MisAdventures Of A Young Adult

     It's been a while since I last posted. It's funny how fast time flies, it doesn't feel like it's already July. Lately in my life I've been thinking about everything. Isn't that what life is about? I've been working more lately and haven't been able to be at home a whole lot.


     You know, I like my job. I work maintenance at my local Wal-Mart. It isn't a bad job, it pays the bills. But lately it's just been getting harder and harder. I'm a very hard worker. I try my best to make sure that my job is done completely and perfect. There are good days and there are bad days. Like today, I came into work and got straight to it. It was very crazy today probably because of the 4th of July coming in just 3 days. We had so many lines at the cash registers and it was backing all the way to the shoe department. Being maintenance I was called non stop and it was getting harder and harder to focus on each task. Let's just say I pushed through and got to clock out and now I'm home relaxing.


     Seems like lately it's been waking up and going to work then coming home and going straight to bed. I honestly hate it sometimes,  but life isn't about partying and having fun. I can have fun occasionally but not all the time. Tonight at work a customer made a comment while walking out the door that actually got to me. She walked by and made the comment that Wal-Mart employees are retards and she said it right in front of her children. I couldn't believe she would say that right in front of me. See, a lot of customers say some pretty rude things to me that I just brush off but this comment actually got to me. Sometimes I think it's the stupidity of people that have no idea what it is like for us. Some actually have compassion but others have no patience. Oh well I guess..


     Recently Zach and I celebrated our engagement. We had friends and some family there. I really wanted my mom and dad to be there but they weren't. I understand that they aren't so close to me anymore. But I honestly do miss them, more than they know. We had a great time, but I'm honestly glad that it is over. Just one less thing I have to worry about.


     Now, I get to focus on our townhouse. We have an inspection coming up and so now I have to focus on cleaning the house completely and making sure that it is up to inspection guidelines. I'll be glad when that's over as well.


     Well,  I figure that I'm going to make it a task of mine to write everyday. I'll do my best at least


Thanks!


A Song Bird (:

Our Futures..

     A couple days ago I was talking to Zach about our futures. We have tried in the past but haven't really taken it as serious as it sounds. To some it might not sound as important, but to me I think it's very important since we are both young and live on our own. When we first moved in together I thought it was the most amazing thing in the world. I never realized that we would be moving in so quick, but life is kind of funny that way. Since we started dating, I've always imagined what our life would be like. My own little fantasy land if you want to call it that.


     We would move in and live together, our relationship would grow and we would become engaged. We'd both have jobs and we would save money. Our careers would come to play after we went to some schooling and got our diplomas. We'd spend more time together and really learn about each other more.We'd plan our wedding maybe a year to two years after becoming engaged, etc. To bad something in life aren't always the way you thought it would be.


     While yes some of the things I've mentioned have came true. They also came quicker than I thought. Isn't it funny about life yet again? I love Zach, don't get me wrong. We've been through a lot together. Our families both have their doubts, some more than others, but yet we are still here. When we first started dating and all the drama was going on I honestly thought to myself.. " This isn't going to last.."


     We've overcome a lot. Fights, disagreements, families need to input on everything we have done or did wrong in their eyes, etc. We are still strong. We are overcoming obstacles everyday.


     Our futures are looking up for us right now. We are looking into our careers, what we want to do with our lives. We are looking at the schooling it will take for us to achieve our goals. We are planning an engagement party even though the odds are against us, we are doing it for us. This is about our futures. Not what futures our family thinks we need, but what is best for us. Our own decisions are being made. Yes we aren't going to impress family or make them change their opinions but it isn't about them, it's about us.




- The Songbird-
    

Odd Days..

     Yesterday I wasn't having the best of days. I woke up and got ready for work. Normal things like eating breakfast, driving to work, etc. I tried to focus on the positive things in my life. I always try and do that everyday. I'm tired of being in a slum.


     Anyways, when I was at work I had a great day. I was doing my job and having fun with co-workers. My relief came in at 12 and I was just about to go on my lunch when I was called for a task. Taking the initiative I got my tools and was ready to make a bale. My co worker started to talk to me about the previous day. He began to talk down to me, telling me things that only a boss would tell me, not a co worker.


     I have had much respect for this man, seeing that he has been there longer than me. But something inside me blew up. See, my parents have taught me to respect my elders. I have done this forever. I told him with respect that I didn't understand how he could treat me like I'm nothing, or go to management whenever I don't do anything like how he does. I told him that I didn't like the fact that I give him respect and I get nothing in return.


     He began to get angry and told me to shut up, etc. All I did was complete my task and then go take my lunch. When my other co worker came in I told him that I just needed to stay was to stay away for a while from him. After what happened, it made me feel different. I came to work to make money and have fun.


     I realized last night after a Skype call with my mom, that I didn't realize the real reason for work. I come to work for myself and Zach. For the both of us to be able to live in a place and not have to worry about where we are going to stay, or whether or not we have enough food in the house. I work to make money and  to have the positivity of knowing that I have a job and I can make money.


     So now, I get to go to work. Knowing that I'm making money and learning new things at the same time.


Have a great night Songbirds..


-The Songbird-

A New Name for Myself

     In the past I've written about how my life long passion was to become a journalist. For so long I haven't focused on what I really wanted to do. I just came up with something that was closest to my passion. I don't want to become a journalist anymore. I want to be a certified event planner.


     I've done some research on becoming an event planner. It's somewhat harder than what I thought, but I love it. I've throw a few parties so far. Small get together for a going away party, birthday parties,etc. When I told Zach I wanted to do this he told me that I will still have to keep my day job. Of course! It's something on the side for now, until it becomes a full time thing. I'm so excited though.


     I haven't given up my hobby which is writing. Even though I don't post a whole lot more. I promise though to write at least every day, even if it is a small piece. I love writing, it's a great stress reliever.


     Party planning has always been my passion. I love seeing the happy kids or the smiles on peoples faces. We'll see where this goes.


Keep Positive Songbirds..


_ The Songbird_

My Thoughts Exactly

     My mom has the right idea. She is here until Sunday along with my dad, brother, and his friend. Since yesterday was my day off, I took my brother and his friend for a ride along the town. We saw train tracks, a couple of new places built, and we went over to my house where the boys both got to meet my cat, Koda. We went to where I work and got some drinks. We went to Taco Bell and ate some delicious food and even went swimming. Zach, Jonathan, and Monty went swimming while I sat on the side with my feet in the water.


     I was able to spend time with my mom today something I was in dire need of. We went to Village Inn both ordered the same thing; Chicken Fried Steak, Eggs, Hash Browns, and Pancakes. Let's just say I walked away stuffed and happy.


     Anyways, when we were talking I realized something she said was something I much needed to hear. We were talking about family. Just talking about family is hard for me. I've reserved much comments I'd really like to tell my extended family. Out of respect for my elders and the unneeded drama, I've held my tongue.


     I've watched my mom cry and struggle. It's devastated me. I saw this yesterday, my mom cried and it broke my heart. A woman who has been put through a lot, who is on vacation only to have fun who is crying. My heart was broken again. The bullcrap of other's not understanding and obviously not caring just amazes me. I wish my family would grow up and while yes I would love to tell the people who have made many cry especially my mom where to shove it. I'm still going to hold my tongue.


     There is too much drama going on in my family, I'm not going to sit here and take it or deal with it anymore. Life's to short for drama, and the stupidity of others and the hatred shown towards those that have given to much of their lives to those that don't respect it.


- The Songbird-

My 30 Day Challenge

     I have an obsession. Now I never thought I'd be so obsessed about Facebook. It started five years ago and it slowly grew. Two years ago it was the focus of my summer, and it definitely wasn't the best.


     I realized something today with the help of my mom. I need a break from Facebook for a while. So I'm giving myself a 30 day challenge. I will not be on Facebook for 30 days. I'll admit it'll definitely be hard. I get on Facebook whenever I can. It's kind of like my newspaper in the morning.


     I think I need this break from Facebook because I need my focus and time back. For so long, I've wasted my time always on Facebook.


     Focusing on my life is most important. I can focus on my party planning business, focus on this blog, write stories and learn business and do what I love. This is something I need to do for me.


     So, here it goes...


           My 30 day challenge to not be on Facebook. After my 30 days, I'll post the results.


- The Songbird-

Green Thumb

     I've never had a green thumb, period! When I was younger I had a couple plants in my room. Honestly I thought I was amazing. I had a Ficus, and another odd named one that obviously I can't remember. They sat on my desk in my cute little room in North Carolina and never left that spot.


     I tried to take very good care of them. Watering them daily, making sure they had enough sunlight, and also being kept in a safe place away from my dog. I basically listened to whatever my mom said. Well... I tried to anyways.


     They aren't with me anymore. My mom has them in Iowa now. I was slowly but surely killing them. My mom would check on them while I was at school ever so often to make sure they were still alive. She would tell me that I over watered them or under watered them and so to keep them alive and not dead.. I gave them to my mom to watch over.


     When I did have them it brought a sense of pride to my self esteem. Now, I know it may sound weird to some, and it might just make sense to the others. Now mind you I was also around maybe 11 or 12..? Maybe older? I can't remember. All I remember is when I had them in my room it brought a certain light and energy into my mood and vibe. They made my room colorful. It brought individuality to my personality and room. Yes they were green, but it was something different.


     Now that I have my own place. I want to retry my luck with my green thumb. A small plant to start out would be nice. Something colorful to add to our little place. I would only face the issue of our cat. He's not to bad, but put something new and something he can dig in and we'd got an issue. We'll see about it.


     I'd really like to have my own garden. I think it'd be pretty cool to grow your own plants. Veggies and fruits you can pick and now that they weren't tampered with when being put in the produce shelves. That's something for the future when we get a bigger house with our own backyard. But we aren't in a rush, so it's kind of nice being able to dream about something and see exactly how you want it to look.


That's my dream I guess..


- The Songbird-

Staying Organized

     A couple days ago I cleaned the entire house. Believing that we had an inspection I hustled and worked really hard to make sure the house was spotless. I shampooed the carpets, I scrubbed the bathrooms and tidied up the kitchen. I'll admit, I actually felt great while I was cleaning. Since then, I've made a cleaning chore chart. Keeping to the chart has actually made me feel better. It's nice to come home to a clean house. Now that I have the physical aspect of my life clean, I need to start on other parts.


     My new year's resolution was to start making my life better. I'm slowly but surely doing that. Keeping a positive attitude and making each day better and better. I need to start taking better care of myself. Health wise I mean. I know how I need to start doing that. Healthier foods in my life, healthier snacks, and no more fast food. Period! I need to start drinking more water and less soda, start exercising more and going to bed at a reasonable hour.


     I need to start blogging more, when I was it was helping me more. So look for more pieces! I need to start focusing on my future and my future with Zach. I need to talk to my family more, and show them that I love them.


     There's so many things that need to be completed, and that's why I have forever to complete them. So here's me shining the light on my future. Here's time for a much needed change in my life for the better.


- The Songbird-

Playing House

     When I was younger my brother and I would make a big house in either of our rooms. We'd have a kitchen, a living room, a bedroom, etc. We'd play around for hours on end trying to get our mom involved in the game. It was all a game back then, and that's the way I remember it. Growing up, I started to realize that our little game turned out to be something more. Reality kind of kicked in and from that point on sitting in my single living class I knew the game wasn't real.


     My teacher used to tell us everything about when we would finally move out. She told us the responsibilities of every decision we made from the apartment, to how much we could pay, how much money we would have to save, and if we would move in with a roommate to split the cost of everything in half. It's funny actually, after I met Zach and we were both about to be graduating seniors. I remember one day asking him a question, not really knowing that it'd happen in the future. I asked him if when we graduated, would he want to be my roommate. Ironic, right?


     Senior year went by in a blur. So many things happened, I don't remember a whole lot. When we graduated, everything changed. Now I had a job, and I was making money. Taking care of my brother while my parent's were away and it was going okay. I didn't realize how important it was at the time, because I'll admit I goofed off. I think every teenager who doesn't have their parent's there, and has free range does it. No parties were started there though, so that's one thing I can be positive on.


     After leaving my parent's it definitely was different. Staying at my grandma's just made me feel like I wasn't independent. Now, that Zach and I were dating he spent more and more time around me which made me feel special. Still does to this day, and even though we fight and argue I still love him every night I go to bed and every morning I wake up. He helped me when I thought my parent's hated me because of what I had done.


     Moving out of his mom's place was hard for him too. Sometimes I feel as though I made him move out to fast. He tells me no, that he's happy that we have what we have. We have our days when it comes to this.


     Now that we have been living together almost a year, it's shocking. We've got our own furniture, a TV, a queen sized bed, dressers, etc. I never thought that I'd be where I am today. My very own house. See, the difference between when I played as a kid was the fact that as a kid I didn't have bills, a car, and living with my fiancee. Now, I have to clean the house, pay bills, and work for money for food, clothes, and taking care of Koda.


    I'm glad I played house with my little brother, soon one day he is going to have his own place. He'll feel the independence of saying " I have my own place". Yes, there will be some bumps in the road, and you might feel like you don't know what your doing or where your going. I've felt that way many of times, but once you get the hang of it. You'll love it.


- The Songbird-

Mother's Day..

     I've given much thought into how I was going to write this. I have the crinkled up papers to prove it to you. Mother's day is a very special day to me. Special because I have the one person who I don't think I could live without, my mom. I hope she's reading this too.


    
    While I was at work today, being in retail there was a rush as always for the perfect mother's day present. Frantic fathers and wondrous children crowded my store in search for something to make their mom smile on their very special day. I couldn't help but to think about my mom, all the memories we share, and the fact that I won't be able to give her a hug on her special day. It made me sad a little.


    
    See, I've written in the past about the disagreements with my mom. People that are around me, don't exactly understand our relationship. They question me sometimes, wondering why am I still in contact if we argue? I simply tell them, I can't stay away from my mom. She's been in my life the whole time with every step, every word, every adventure, and every memory we have together is something very special. My mom truly is my best friend, my hero, and most importantly my role model.


    
    I've been thinking about my mom for a while, ever since I left the house and everything changed. I don't get to give my mom hugs anymore, or see her everyday. But the time's that we Skype or text or call are very important to me. See, she's coming this week and so is my dad and brother and I can't wait. I'm ecstatic, to say the least. I look forward to giving my mom the biggest hug ever. I miss her like crazy she just doesn't even know it.






    
    Mom, I know that I'm not with you right now. I can't wait to see you and give you the biggest hug. I love you so very much mom! I'll always be your stinky, the little girl you remember running down the hallways. I'll see you soon momma. Here's my song for you. Have a great day and don't let anything bring you down.




Love Always,


Your Songbird


                                          Happy Mother's Day to ALL mom's! You are all amazing!

Misadventures Of A Young Adult..

     I haven't posted lately. Life's been really busy for me, so many things going on. I'm in the process of jump starting my business, " Life of The Party". I'm in the process of planning my engagement party. I'm working great hours, thirty six hours. Saving money slowly but surely.
  
      I've been working some pretty good hours, consistent hours which means for some really good paychecks. I worked 8:30 to 5:30 today by myself for most of the day. I've been able to get better and better at my job. A couple nights ago, I checked the mail and my discount card came in for working for Wal- Mart for close to four months. I wish to get farther with this company than I did with Safeway.




     Party planning is another thing that I'm really going to start focusing on. I was able to plan it our and purchase some business cards to promote my business. As for advertising, I need to start working on the Facebook, Twitter, and the website for " Life of The Party". It's a work in progress, but whenever I get free time, I get a little further with my planning.


     I recently celebrated my twentieth birthday. Let's just say.. it wasn't what I was expecting. I spent at least half the day by myself, in my PK's and being lazy and watching T.V. I made meatloaf and mashed poratoes at my grandparent's house. It definitely was a weird birthday. I missed my parents, it was very hard. I'll be able to see them soon, I can't wait to give my mom a hug, joke around with my dad " Butterflies"! He'll know what I mean! Give my brother a hard time, but most importantly reconnect with my family and tell them how very much they mean to me. But hey.. I'm officially twenty years old!


     I'm in the slow process of planning my engagement party. It's very stressful trying to plan this. See.. I believe that I'm a perfectionist, I don't know how I got it but I have it. I want it to be cute, yet amazing. I've been going through a bunch of themes in my head and the only one I really like is "Starry Night". To bad it's going to be during the day.. But I love the theme, so I'm sticking with it.


     So there you go from the Misadventures of A Young Adult..


- The Songbird-
    

Early Morning..

     This particular morning I find myself still awake from yesterday's long day. I find myself making a cake, cleaning the house, folding laundry, getting Zach's birthday present ready for Sunday, and writing this piece. I know it's been a while, I've been busy. Sorry.


     I've thought for the past couple of days.. " What would I write?" and nothing.... I mean nothing came to my mind. Strange right? I always have things on my mind.


     Yesterday, I was busy doing stuff for me. I kind of had a pamper day. Never had one before, so it was a new experience. I got my hair professionally colored, and my nails done. Two very new concepts for me as I have done my own nails for as long as I can remember getting nail polish and doing my hair for a while with those wonderful box sets.


     It felt like an amazing thing. To pamper yourself every once and a while. Zach's birthday present to me.. Early! As I sat in the chair while she was coloring my hair I couldn't help but feel happy. My best friend with me, I felt confident. I felt independent.


     That feeling has been coming more and more to me. Independent. A new concept to me since I lived with my parents until last summer. I feel more independent. More able to do things that I want and things I enjoy, within my limits of course.


     It feels weird being up this late,  or early.. doesn't matter. Like yesterday, today will be as equally busy as I will be trying to clean the house and frost a carrot cake all before 12:30. So I end my piece with the blissful thought of my newfound independence. I love the way I feel right now. Nothing could possibly change my thoughts, I'm a stronger person because of it.


- The Songbird-

A Writer..

     Ever since I can remember, I've had a pen in my hand. It started when I was given my very first journal. I don't remember exactly how old I was but I remember my mom giving me a Winnie the Pooh journal and telling me that I can write anything I want in it.  So since that very day I've been writing journals. In Middle School, I used to write little mini stories and poems. Leading right into High School, I tried to take classes that I was interested in. Mostly english and writing classes were something that I loved. Creative Writings really brought out my love for writing little short stories it would be about anything and everything.

     In High School, I told myself that I was really going to find out what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't realize how important finding out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life until my Junior Year. I slacked off Freshman and Sophomore year, which I regret. I didn't actually take my studies seriously. Junior year, I buckled down and told myself that the next two years of my High School career were very important.

     I flip flopped from different careers, I wanted to be a massage therapist for a while until I wanted to become a chef. Then I told myself that I wanted to be in the Navy because I was in NJROTC. Then, I sat down one day and really thought about something that I truly loved. Writing was the things I loved the most.

     For the very reason why I started this blog. I wanted to expand my writings, get more writing out and onto something that I can go back and read them forever. Now that I've been able to graduate and get into the "work" mode of my life I want to focus on my studies again. I enjoy learning, and if I can succeed in life with writing, it's something I want to do.

     So i'm going to make sure that I start looking for pell grants, or anything that will help me further my education.

- The SongBird-

There Will Be Time...

     Soon, my family is going to come back here to Colorado. Soon, there will be tears shed as they leave, and then I'll be alone again. Now I'm not saying this as negative as what it may sound like, but it kind of is. I've lived with my family for my whole life until last summer. I honestly can't changed what happened that summer, but if I did I would change how it turned out.

     I would have changed the fact that instead of leaving my mom and dad a note telling them I left, I should have waited till they came home and then sat down and talked to them. I wish I  would have brought Zach over more so my parents could get to know him as well as I do.  I've had many dreams about everything that's happened and I still think it would have been better if I did it that instead of leave the note. I didn't realize how much damage I really did until they came back. The result in my actions, tore us apart and I never thought that I would be talking to them again. I couldn't do that though, I had to talk to my parents most importantly the person who I connected with the most.. my mom.

     Yes, I will admit it felt very different coming over to the house for a short period of time until they moved. We barely spoke words with each other, and it didn't feel the same. Since that summer, and moving out and in with Zach has definitely changed my views on a many great things. I've learned a couple things that I am going to live with for the rest of my life.

     A couple nights ago I was laying right next to Zach and I just closed my eyes. He reached out for me and I snuggled in his arms, my most safest and most comforting place actually. He began talking to me about everything that we had accomplished, and had done since we met. He was telling me what he had on his mind and I was doing the same thing with mine.

     I talked about that summer, and what I did. I told him about how I wished I could change somethings. I told him that I was going to live with those decisions forever. I broke down in tears. He rubbed my hair and told me that I couldn't take them back only learn from them and move on. I told him about how I missed my family, and that even though he is here I feel alone sometimes. I don't really have a whole lot of supportive family on my side here in Colorado. That's when he started to talk to me about his thoughts.

     He told me that he feels like it was partly his fault as for my feeling alone. See, his family is here in Colorado and they are VERY supportive of him. He goes over to his Grandma's and Mom's almost every night. I can't do that. He gets to see his mom almost everyday depending on work, where as I only see my mom once in a blue moon if our schedules work out for an hour or two Skype call. When we first moved in, I was so excited that we would be living together. Just the two of us! But I realized, I wasn't going to be the girl who took him away from his family. I didn't want that to be the relationship between my future mother in law and myself.

     He went over every night, and I was okay with it. But, the only thing that really hurt me sometimes was when I'd go over with him. I'd get rants and raves over the fact that he didn't come home to a home cooked warm meal even though I did that for him almost every night depending on whether or not I worked. By the time he'd get home, it'd be cold. I'd be tired and ready for bed, but I was having the hardest of times trying to wrap my head around those rants and raves.

     Anyways, we laid and talked about a great many things. Tears were shed from both of us. I realized from that talk that I won't have all the time to be with my family when they come down for a while. But during some of the time that they are home, I want to spend as much time with them. I've already made plans with my parents and taking them out to a nice sit down restaurant and talking with them, really letting them know how I feel. Taking my brother and his friend to Taco Bell since they miss it in Iowa, and a nice sit down restaurant to do some bonding.. ( in otherwards talking about Xbox and Call Of Duty). Getting them presents for their birthdays and getting a special mother's day and father's day present.

     I want to spend as much time with my family as I can, cause like I said there will be tears but there will also be laughter.

Better Care.. For a Healthier Me

     For a while, I haven't really been taking good care of myself. Laziness just kicked in and I didn't do anything to stop it. Zach made me realize this last night when I was picking at the heels of my feet. It's something that I've done for a while. I do it because one it's something to do (yes, not a very good one) but I also do it when I get nervous. I have been picking my heel more and more now and I know I shouldn't. It's like something that I can't stop doing. I'll pick it so bad to where it will bleed.

     Horrible, right? I know. I complain all the time about how my feet hurt and now I'm realizing the stupidity of when I pick my heels. Zach is constantly on my case about how I shouldn't, and I'm trying my best not to. Now, I put lotion on my feet before bed and I try to not touch them when i'm laying in bed or watching tv in bed.

     He's right though, about taking better care of myself. I want to live for a long time.

     I've got to start thinking about my health, and everything else.

- The SongBird-

Missing My Parents

     Since I was a little girl, I've had a connection with my dad that I never want to lose. Like with my mom, I have a connection that I hope will never leave. I love my parents, they have done plenty of things that I believe make them good parents. Raising me, taking care of me, feeding me, making sure that I accomplished high school, etc. We've had our differences, and many many arguments and things like that. Overall, I believe that my parent's are doing what any other parent does.

     When I was young, my dad would make me laugh all the time. When he would come home from work I would run after him. He'd body slam me on the water bed and I'd laugh up a storm. We'd watch movies together, and when I was in the stage of Tea Parties he would gladly participate and make me feel like a princess. My parent's showed me videos that they made when I was younger. Shaking my butt to my mom's favorite song. Holding my brother and trying to tell everyone what my dad was repeating. Those moments I miss.

     I was thinking about my parents this morning. Now that I live with Zach, I can't see my parents like what I used to. Since they live in Iowa, I miss them more than what I realized.

     It's something that I'm starting to realize early on. I was in so much of a rush to move out of my parents house and gain my own independence that I didn't realize that it wouldn't be the same. That's why I miss my parents, I can text them and call them even skype them. But it doesn't feel the same.

     Moving out was definitely a new experience, for me and for Zach. I miss my parents more than they know, and even thought we have our fights it makes me love my parents more and more for dealing with my teenager mentality.

     I hope my parent's know how much I love them. I wouldn't be here without them. And no matter how far we are.. I will continue to call them, Skype them, etc.

              I love you mom and dad! With all my heart!


- The SongBird-

A New Sea Of Chaos..

     I've been busy lately with a few things in my life. I haven't worked since last Friday. I was supposed to work today, but as usual something comes up that restricted me, and might also possibly get me in more trouble or even fired from yet another job. The cards don't really look in my favor right now. It started a couple days ago, I was cleaning the house and made a cake for that night since we were going to have dinner over at Zach's moms house. I laid down for a bit thinking that my stuffy nose was because of allergies. I woke up almost 4 1/2 hours later feeling even worse. I took a Zyrtec and tried to calm down. At dinner, I tried really hard not to cough on anyone or do a whole lot of talking because it hurt.

     When we came home I took a hot shower and went straight to bed. That next morning felt like a bus came and ran right over me literally. I had a headache, sore throat, stuffy nose and body aches so it felt like a normal cold. I laid in bed til Zach came home and we went to Walmart to get Chicken Noodle soup, Robitussin, Vicks, and some cranberry juice. Came home and we made the chicken noodle soup and it was delicious. That next morning it felt like nothing changed, except only getting worse. By that time, I could barely swallow.

     I knew something was wrong, both Zach and I had the same symptoms so we called his mom and we went to the emergency room. It felt like Getting there, I had a bad feeling in my gut. They took Zach back first because he skin was red like fire red. They took me back at least an hour later, and I was in so much pain. They stuck a swab in my throat and it made me feel like I wanted to gag. The doctor then took another swab and put it right in my nose, he said it would feel like someone was tickling my brain. It kind of stung a little afterwards. Zach was in the room right next to me, so Julie would come over and check and see if I was okay. Maybe an hour into me being into the room, I began to feel woozy. They gave me steroids to calm down the swelling, which actually started working.

     The doctor went into Zach's room and told him the news, Mono. My heart sank, I was close to tears before he came into my room. I had the same thing. I also had an ear infection from blowing my nose to hard. He told me to get better, he gave me two prescriptions and told me that I couldn't go back to work until Monday. That's when the Sea of Chaos basically flooded everything. Zach and Julie  came into my room and I couldn't help but be frustrated with everything that went on.

     When we were on our way back to Julies, so we could get the truck and go home that's where I let my tears go. What was I going to do? My job already has it out for me, what would this do to me? When we got home I went straight to bed it was already 2 in the morning. I couldn't think anymore, my brain was fried. I slept and woke up the next morning, called my work and told them that I was going to be coming in.

     I went to Personal, and talked with Tami about everything. She told me since I called out to much for being sick, that I shouldn't be mad because I'm not getting hours. She told me that that's what happens when I call out. Since I already had my first couching not to long ago, I know that I'm probably going to get fired. My shift manager came in and we talked to her about possibly getting those scheduled hours for me to someone else, because then I wouldn't have to keep calling in and that wouldn't count against me for absences leading to another two couching's and then a boot to me with no job yet again.

     I have never been this sick before in my life. I didn't really start getting sick till I began working here. The different chemicals and situations I'm in at work. I really hope that I don't get fired, I need a job so I can feel independent when I bring in money that I worked my butt off to get and it was hard earned. That sense of independence basically is what I feel when I get a paycheck. I've worked at Walmart for 3 months, and I like my job. I like the people that I work with, the customers that give me a compliment on how clean the bathrooms are, or the employees that take time out of their day to congratulate me on the hard work that I do. But, I'm not going to keep my hopes up for the simple fact that if it doesn't work out the way it's supposed to that I will be fired. So today, I'm going to start looking for other employment, and maybe.. just maybe I won't have to worry about not being able to find a job, because everything will work out for the best.

This is my hope.

- The Songbird-

Catching Up

     I've written in the past about how it's very stressful trying to catch up to bills that seem to accumulate so much. We've been trying to play the catch up game since I lost my job. The amount of stress trying to figure out if your gonna be late this time, or if you even have the money is very new to my coming out into this world. You know.. I should have listened to my mom when I was still living with them about how important it is to make sure you know exactly what you need to pay, how much, etc.


     If I would have listened to the wise words of my mom, then maybe just maybe we wouldn't be in the situation we are so desperately trying to crawl literally out of. I didn't listen as you can tell.. and it's making me realize how I should start doing this efficiently so we aren't pulling our hair out. Both Zach and I are going to sit down tonight and figure out the necessities like food, electricity, a roof over our heads, gas for our car, etc. Not the luxuries such as going out to eat, going to see movies, etc.


     Now I will admit we have a couple of luxuries that we also kind of need, like Internet/cable. Yes we need the Internet more than cable but we bundled both and am with CenturyLink, who actually I believe is much more better than Comcast. We go out to eat sometimes, which I'll admit isn't helping our health out. We are making that vow today to stop out eating out so much. Let's see how this goes!


     I believe that with Persistence and Resistance we will make the right decisions when it comes to our money. It has to be Bills first, then food, then gas for our car. This I believe will help us make better decisions, and cause us more peace rather than stress.


- The Songbird-

Stand My Ground

     I've never been one to take criticism very kindly. See, in my point of view it's like telling me that I can't do something that I've seen other people do or even what I've done before. I was in this predicament a couple days ago. I've been thinking about what has been said ever since then, and even that day I couldn't help but cry and feel horrible about everything.


     It all started while on my way to work. Since my car is dead and Zach's truck is down for the moment, I had to hitch a ride. I thought it would have been a quiet one, I could stare at the snow that was coming down and ponder before I had to go clean bathrooms and deal with snoody people. To bad it didn't end up that way. Yes, I realize that things that were said were probably not meant to be so harsh, but the way they were described was definitely not as what was meant to be said.


     Have you ever had a person basically tell you that you are incapable of being able to have a brain? That's kind of how I felt on what seemed like a long car ride. My character basically went from great to worse. I realize that the comments said were probably in anger. I mean, it didn't really have to be this way. I was fully aware of the situation that Zach and I are in. It's not like we needed a BIG fat reminder. But yet, some people just think that they have to stick their nose where it does not belong.


     Especially when they have it really good. When Zach and I moved into our own place we realized that things were going to change. The extra money we had would be going to bills. Now that we have Koda we are taking care of him and making sure that he is well fed and has a great house to live in.


     Even though the words that were said didn't make me feel any better about the situation, it made me realize that he doesn't even know the situation we are in. How would he care? I've tried to hold my tongue for a while do to the fact that I respect others.


     Now that I am getting to the point to where I can't take the constant badgering and feeling like I haven't accomplished anything. I will stand my ground and not let anyone tell me what to do or judge me on mistakes made. That's what makes me human, is my mistakes and learning from them. I won't let my life be controlled by others that obviously don't know what I do and who I am.






-The SongBird-

My Love of Hair Rubs

     I absolutely love having my hair rubbed. I have since I was a little girl. My mom would tell me about how she would get me to go to sleep, a car ride or when I would ask her to rub my hair to get me to go to sleep. I have always loved every time I would get my hair rubbed. It brings me to peace and let's my mind relax.


     I always believed that when my mom would do that for me that our relationship was closer and closer. I would beg my mom for a hair rub when I got older and it didn't happen as much. I kind of wish it did happen more.


     I was thinking about this when I was at work. I didn't really have the best of days. Worrying about a bunch of things. When I got on my lunch I was surprised by Zach and he came and held me while I cried.


     He began to rub my hair and I couldn't help but start to feel better. It's like a relaxation moment for me. I can't help but feel better, and after I went back to work I began to have a somewhat more positive outlook.


     I will always ask for a hair rub. It's just who I am.