Soon, my family is going to come back here to Colorado. Soon, there will be tears shed as they leave, and then I'll be alone again. Now I'm not saying this as negative as what it may sound like, but it kind of is. I've lived with my family for my whole life until last summer. I honestly can't changed what happened that summer, but if I did I would change how it turned out.
I would have changed the fact that instead of leaving my mom and dad a note telling them I left, I should have waited till they came home and then sat down and talked to them. I wish I would have brought Zach over more so my parents could get to know him as well as I do. I've had many dreams about everything that's happened and I still think it would have been better if I did it that instead of leave the note. I didn't realize how much damage I really did until they came back. The result in my actions, tore us apart and I never thought that I would be talking to them again. I couldn't do that though, I had to talk to my parents most importantly the person who I connected with the most.. my mom.
Yes, I will admit it felt very different coming over to the house for a short period of time until they moved. We barely spoke words with each other, and it didn't feel the same. Since that summer, and moving out and in with Zach has definitely changed my views on a many great things. I've learned a couple things that I am going to live with for the rest of my life.
A couple nights ago I was laying right next to Zach and I just closed my eyes. He reached out for me and I snuggled in his arms, my most safest and most comforting place actually. He began talking to me about everything that we had accomplished, and had done since we met. He was telling me what he had on his mind and I was doing the same thing with mine.
I talked about that summer, and what I did. I told him about how I wished I could change somethings. I told him that I was going to live with those decisions forever. I broke down in tears. He rubbed my hair and told me that I couldn't take them back only learn from them and move on. I told him about how I missed my family, and that even though he is here I feel alone sometimes. I don't really have a whole lot of supportive family on my side here in Colorado. That's when he started to talk to me about his thoughts.
He told me that he feels like it was partly his fault as for my feeling alone. See, his family is here in Colorado and they are VERY supportive of him. He goes over to his Grandma's and Mom's almost every night. I can't do that. He gets to see his mom almost everyday depending on work, where as I only see my mom once in a blue moon if our schedules work out for an hour or two Skype call. When we first moved in, I was so excited that we would be living together. Just the two of us! But I realized, I wasn't going to be the girl who took him away from his family. I didn't want that to be the relationship between my future mother in law and myself.
He went over every night, and I was okay with it. But, the only thing that really hurt me sometimes was when I'd go over with him. I'd get rants and raves over the fact that he didn't come home to a home cooked warm meal even though I did that for him almost every night depending on whether or not I worked. By the time he'd get home, it'd be cold. I'd be tired and ready for bed, but I was having the hardest of times trying to wrap my head around those rants and raves.
Anyways, we laid and talked about a great many things. Tears were shed from both of us. I realized from that talk that I won't have all the time to be with my family when they come down for a while. But during some of the time that they are home, I want to spend as much time with them. I've already made plans with my parents and taking them out to a nice sit down restaurant and talking with them, really letting them know how I feel. Taking my brother and his friend to Taco Bell since they miss it in Iowa, and a nice sit down restaurant to do some bonding.. ( in otherwards talking about Xbox and Call Of Duty). Getting them presents for their birthdays and getting a special mother's day and father's day present.
I want to spend as much time with my family as I can, cause like I said there will be tears but there will also be laughter.
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