In most cases I would cower in corners and hide myself from the people that didn't understand me. Years and years went by and it seemed my life was slowly getting worse. It didn't matter who told me, anything that someone said I would take into heart.
Family time was a good thing, when I was younger we would read and write and watch The Lion King all the time. It seemed like as time went on things got harder. Since being the oldest one out of the two I was responsible for a lot of things. Cooking, Cleaning, Making sure my school work was done, being a good sister.
Recently I was in charge of watching over my little brother. Seem's like an easy task right? Being a recent graduate of High School and getting my first job at Safeway I was excited! With my parents gone to Iowa I was left in charge of taking care of the house and my brother. At first, I felt like I had it all taken care of. I would go to work and he would play Xbox. Slowly but surely it seemed that I wasn't doing all that my parents wanted. Getting constant criticism and negativity from my "decisions" I let it get to me. I was never in charge of the house, working a job, and taking care of my brother all at the same time.
Hanging out with my friends too didn't make it any better. My situation wasn't the best in the world. My parent's might tell you differently but for me it was a new experience. Let's just say it changed my entire life.
Being a child that took everything to heart as an adult it is still like that. I am always serious all the time, I can't take jokes, I can't let loose, and I can't let go. Letting go of my past is the hardest thing in my life.
Until recently I started thinking about everything that I've let get to me. Many days I've sat wondering how different my life would be if I wouldn't have let things get to me. Maybe I wouldn't have depression I wouldn't have negative thoughts I could finally live my life the way I want. I could be me.
I finally made the decision to just let go. I'm tired of letting my past and people get to me. I'm tired of many nights crying or many days having disagreements with Zach because I can't let go of my past. My future is what I make of it. I want to succeed in life, not just waste the days away.
My mom and I have had plenty of disagreements, and since my moving out it just seems like her and I will never get on the same page. It seems she has a difference of opinion in certain aspects of my life, while I tried to understand her ways of thinking I just can't. Days and day's I would sit and wonder and take what she told me to heart. I love my mom to death she gave me a great childhood and I will never forget that. The decisions I made have cost me my relationship with my mom. Fighting with her isn't the best thing for me, I take what she says to heart.
I don't want to fight with her anymore. But it seems like the situation has gone for the worst. We need a break, maybe to find out who we are and what we truly need. So mom if you are reading this don't think that i'm giving up on you. I love you, you're my best friend, my role model, but most importantly my mom.
I've finally learned to let go of the past it doesn't help me in the future, it makes me dwell on the past. I want to focus on my life on my wonderful boyfriend who has helped me out, my future goals of becoming a journalist, and my life.
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