Done Pleasing

     For a long time I've always been the  people pleaser. The person who will drop everything just to make one person or multiple people happy. Where has that got me? Nowhere. It started when I was younger, and it's became an ugly habit that hasn't made me feel any better about myself.

     When I was younger, it was always a constant fight for attention between my brother and I. Me being the oldest, I was supposed to be more "responsible".  Being a little kid, you wanted to do anything in your power to make your parents happy. At least for me I did, I tried my hardest to anything and everything my mom asked me to do. I would clean my room, make my bed, get ready for the day, etc. I was good in school, and got somewhat good grades. Yet, it still seemed like it was always a competition between Jonathan and I. I grew to resent this and became a "bad" child as my family has told me. I grew to hate being the oldest one.

     Growing up seemed like a milestone for me. Everyday when we would come home from school it seemed like I was always going to bed hating that day and looking forward to the next one because maybe, just maybe I could make my parent's happy like my brother was doing. Yet, it didn't seem this way.

     When I finally transitioned from Middle School to High School, things finally started looking up for me. My brother and I weren't in the same school so the competition could calm down, I was so wrong. It was the grades he was getting that made my parent's question how smart I was in school. I wasn't really doing the best in school because I was to worried about pleasing everyone I met. Mainly my parents.

     When my brother came to High School, it started up again. I joined NJROTC and thought that it could be my thing. I was wrong, it was our thing. The one thing I thought I could have to myself wasn't the way I thought. It was major competition between us again. Gladly, I graduated high school and moved onto becoming my own person.

     Since, I've moved out of my parents house. I've learned a key thing about my life. I've been a pleaser and it hasn't any better for me. It's really brought me down, my self esteem and everything like that. But I've finally made the decision to quit pleasing everyone. The one person I have to please is myself. Self happiness is the most important thing for me. It's the one thing that's important to myself.


I won't let it stop me from becoming myself.