Life Smacks...

     Lately it seems like I've come into a bump in the road that has literally taken control of me. I didn't have a thing to worry about at the time, everything was going great. Until life finally gave me a big smack on my face and proved me wrong. I hate when that happens, you think that everything is going to be okay. And life comes around the corner and puts you in a roadblock that seems nearly impossible, I call them Life Smacks. That's kind of how my life is going right now.

     When I had a job, I had income coming in. I could help pay for things such as bills, etc. Now that I'm unemployed, it seems like things have been crumbling down. I'll admit when I got fired it really hit me. Everything that seemed to be going into place, suddenly came crashing down. I began my search, and wouldn't give up. I'm still to this day searching and nothing has happened.

     I've had plenty of people get on me about responsibility, and it's not that I don't understand. It's just that it's hard when it seems like nothing is going right. Sometime's I feel like everything I say isn't understood the way I'm explaining it. I feel stupid sometimes because of it.

     The stress of getting a job with no real experience is hard. It's hard to gain experience, when no one will really give you that chance. I have loads of potential, and I'm willing to work. Life just isn't working with me right now. I wish it would, I wouldn't be so stressed out right now.

     I'm not going to give up, but there are moments where I do just want to give up. I can't give up because I've got to much at stake.

     I have to keep in mind that life is rough, it's never easy. It's full of bumps in the road. I have to be the one to remember who I am. I'm not a quitter, I won't give up.


I CAN DO THIS!

Morning Laughter

     I remember waking up every Saturday and hearing laughter come out of my parents room. It would bring a smile to my face to hear my mom laughing. There would be days where I would come in and get roped into massaging my dad's feet or back because of his injuries. My mom would leave the room and I'd be left with my dad trying to fall asleep. It was funny sometimes, cause I would try to leave and he would automatically wake up. There would be days were I was able to get away with it.

     Now, I have found that same person like my mom that makes me laugh when I wake up. He is an amazing guy, and I'm really lucky I have him. He is my cuddle buddy, and my pillow sometimes.


     Like my mom, I got that person that makes me feel like I can be who I want. I don't want to lose him. My morning laughter wouldn't be the same. What is your morning laughter?

Blank Mind

     ...................................................... I've been sitting here thinking about what to write. Maybe that's why I'm so far behind when it comes to my blog. Before I write a blog piece, I think about something that I want to write about. Sometimes it will come to me when I'm doing something. But for some reason, I haven't been able to think about anything that seems to catch me in wanting to write about it.

     I try to write my blog pieces when I get the chance to. When it's just me, or I have my headphones in so I know what I can focus on. Whenever I don't have anything on my mind, I write about quirky things.

    
     I think they might call this "Writer's Block", but I'm not sure. Has this ever happened to you?

My Brother

     Pictures say a thousand words. When my brother was born I was to little to remember anything that we did together. Pictures that my mom has now are the only reminders of when we were younger. I remember a little of what happened when we were at such a young age. The books we would read, the games we would play when it was raining outside, etc.

     I was thinking about my brother and I realize how much I miss him. Yes, we can Skype, text, and call each other. But it just isn't the same for me. I wish sometimes we could have hung out more, and really got to know one another.


     When we were younger, I hated going outside. Being that he was a boy and I was a girl, it made sense that I hated the outdoors. I never wanted to play football, basketball, or basically go outside. Which definitely made our relationship a hard one to live with. I remember all the fights we would have over going outside. I regret doing that to my brother, he didn't deserve that.

     I would make promises to him when he would beg me to go outside, and I'd break every single one of them. There was just something about outside that I guess I didn't like. When I would go outside, I would mumble and groan about how stupid it was.


     When I started getting older, most of the things that my brother wanted to do, I wasn't interested in. We are three years apart, so it kind of made sense. As I got into High School, I definitely has different interests. I started writing more, reading, and focusing on my studies. My brother was still interested in sports, playing Xbox, and hanging out with friends.

     As he came into High School, we both ended up in NJROTC. I will admit, I was angry at first because I finally was able to have my very own group. After coming to the realization that my brother was going to be in the program, I aimed towards proving to my parents that I was the best out of the two. Yes, competition between my brother and I was stronger than ever. We always had to prove each other that we were better.

     As I sit here now, I wonder what would have been if I had went outside instead of make it a fuss about getting outside my comfort level, or if I would have accepted what my brother would have wanted to do. But those are "what if's" and I can't change the past.


     All I can do is move on, and I know that my brother and I are still somewhat close. I hope that he is reading this, so he can realize how much he means to me. If your reading this, I want you to know that I'm sorry I didn't do a lot of things with you when we were younger, like play basketball. I hope in some way, you can forgive me. I Love You Brother!


    

A Day Of Rest

     My life has been quite the busy one lately. I have a lot going on in my head that I want to get out and take a moment to look back on the success and mistakes I've made. A daily routine is this: waking up extra early so I can get Zach's lunch and breakfast made. After he leaves then it's onto cleaning for me. Then I get ready for the day. Look for jobs and have no luck at any of them. Then I watch some T.V and write in my journal or on here. Take a couple more hours to look for a job. Make dinner, and wait for Zach to come home.

     Today is my day of rest. I haven't really had a day where everything is accomplished and I can relax. Today I'm going to watch T.V and put my feet up, I'm going to take a nap because I feel dead tired. I'm going to read my books about Reiki and take notes. Do some job hunting and tell myself that I can do it!

     Today is a ME day. I'm looking forwards to taking some time for me, and reassuring myself that I haven't completely lost my mind. I think everyone needs a ME day. Just to get a hold of your busy life.

Just Me

     Lately, I've been thinking about everything in my life. I have lived a good life so far. Beginning with my parent's raising me, to now being out on my own. It's amazing what can happen when you put your mind to it. I never thought I would be out on my own.

     Coming up to the day's of graduation it was exciting yet scary as well. I was in the routine of waking up every Monday through Friday and getting ready to go to school. The thought of leaving the daily routine to go and do something had me scared. That feeling didn't sink in until I took those steps leading to my diploma.

     Since then, it has been a rocky road leading me to where I am now. Yes, there are things I wish I would have done differently. But that's brought me to where I am today with people that I love and cherish, and things that have changed my viewpoint on a great many things.

     I have a long ways to go, and many more lessons that I need to learn. I look forward to the future and wish that I can have a good life. I know that things won't go my way, but I look forward to being able to learn from them.

     All we can do in this life is learn, and grow. I'm looking to learn and grow! What About You?

"It's A Party"

     For a while, I've been thinking about starting my very own business. This idea came to me when I was writing in my journal about how I liked to make people happy. I think it was also because I was watching my favorite movie Bride Wars. I never thought I could do anything like what a planner does.

     It wasn't until recently that I started pursing the passion of creating my own part planning business. It's been a rocky start. With not a lot of publicity it's hard to get many events planned. So far I've only done four. Yes it is a start, but I love it.

     What made me want to start a party business? I've been a person that loves to please people, like I said before. I also love writing and it's a perfect combination of the two. The hardest part though is getting it off the ground and fully running.

     My goal is to get it to the point to where I can have event after event. The main point of my business is to enjoy the love, and have fun

     I am calling it "It's A Party" simply because it will be a party.  We'll see where this goes. Please share this with others! Like the pages and even comment!

Thank you to everyone that reads this blog! It means so much!



Link To Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ASongBirdsTune
Link To Twitter: https://twitter.com/ItsAPartyForU

My Personal Goal

     I've had this goal of being able to learn more about myself. Being able to love myself and then I'll be able to love others. I've also struggled with this for quite some time. I finally think that I'll be able to get some ground and be able to have the ability to love myself and be able to finally live my life.

     It started when I began to overeat, or eat in the confides of my room. I would take stuff from the kitchen and get have a hog heaven when everyone would go to bed. It was chips, cheese, pepperoni slices, etc. Anything I could get my hands on I would devour. When I started gaining weight, I would eat more because I was depressed I was that size. I didn't realize the damage until it was to late.

    I've since then had an issue with my weight and eating. I'm trying to change that though, doing more things to preoccupy my time instead of have a kitchen brawl out with the refrigerator. I'm slowly getting there, and soon hopefully I will have accomplished at least one part to my goal of overeating and eating to much at the table.

    Working out also isn't my strong suit. Since I was little, I've always hated going outside. I can't explain why, but it makes me angry when I do. Especially as a young girl with a little brother that always wanted to go outside. That's another reason why my brother and I didn't get along growing up. But now, I want a change. I mean a serious change in my lifestyle and ways of growing up.

     Zach isn't giving up on me, especially when sometimes all I want to do is eat or sit in front of the T.V for a whole day and pig out on ice cream and Mozzarella sticks. I have more important things to do with my time. That's why this year is the year of change in my life. I'm not going to give up on myself because that hasn't gotten me anywhere. It's time for me to change, and I'm ready for it!

Sharing

     When Zach and I first moved in together it was an exciting event in my life. I posted it on Facebook, Twitter, and sent text to all my friends. It was something I could brag about. We were newly out of High School, we just started dating and so we decided that we were going to move in together. We are sharing most things now. But I've never really been good with sharing a great many things. I'm learning now though that when you love someone enough, you will share the things that most mean something to you. We share thoughts, memories, material items, and overall ourselves.

     Sharing my things has always been a pet peeve. I can't really share with anyone because it's "MY" thing. That's the downfall that my brother and I shared. We didn't really want one another to touch our toy or anything else because it was his or it was mine we were typical kids thought growing up. That pet peeve has grown with me, but it isn't about toys anymore. A couple days ago I realized I am horrible when it comes to sharing a bed. My parent's got me a Queen Sized bed a couple years ago and so I've grown accustom to it just being me in this large bed. I would sprawl out and just fall asleep like a baby. But now that Zach and I moved in together, we share a bed. I'll admit sometimes it's hard. I'll wake up in the middle of the night, and find myself dangling off the edge of the bed. Even with my blankets its hard to find a compromise sometimes. I'll wake up and be cold to the point of no return, and Zach and I will have arguments about it. Stupid ones but we're still newly into this dating thing. 

     I guess, it's time for me to get out of the mode of single, and into the mode of dating and sharing. I love him more than he knows, he's my first real relationship. So I have to learn to share. It's a new experience and I'm looking forward to it!

Sunrise and Sunset

     Being born in Colorado, you get a certain happiness when you live here and you can call this your hometown. As a little girl, I don't remember a whole lot that happened. I do remember when we moved to Alabama to help my Aunt. It was for a brief month or so, and then we moved again. This time it was to Georgia. I didn't like living there like I did when we lived in Colorado. So we decided to move  back to Colorado.

     I went to school and was content with myself. The house we lived in was adventurous and there were many times I would get in trouble because being the "adventurous" type came with consequences when you broke things, like plugging the toilet with action figures because you wanted them to swim. Yep I was a handful back then and even to today. I never wanted to leave Colorado because of a great many things but the number one was I felt like myself here.

     Since I was only a little girl I didn't have a lot of say in the matter of moving. So the one time my parent's asked if we wanted to move, I said yes. I don't really know why I said yes. But now that I think of it, it was in everyone's best interest at the time to move and explore the world. Yes, I would miss Colorado more than anyone knew but it was adventure time.

     We moved back to Georgia at the time because it offered a great career for my dad and he loved his architecture. So I start going to school there and it didn't seem that great. I made a couple friends there and it started turning better for me. I also got into a lot of trouble at school. Remember the couple friend's I said I had, turns out they weren't the right choice for me to hang out. I got into verbal fights with them, and gossiped about them to everyone I knew. A decision I regret but had a major learning experience from.

     Living in Georgia almost made me a permanent resident of Foster Care. I remember getting a rowing machine for working out downstairs. As usual, the know it all didn't want to wear shoes when operating the machinery. To my surprise, I got a big cut on my foot that really hurt and one day I used it in the worst way. One day on the bus I decided because my brother and I were having a big fight to tell my friends that my little brother cut me on my foot with a knife. A smart decision in my little brain, a tramautic outcome. I went around all day telling people that it happened, yet I didn't realize that it would come back to bite me in my butt.

     It took the principal, and even my parents telling me that there was a Foster Care Van sitting outside our door to realize that the "bad life" wasn't for me. That's also when my relationship with my brother started to dwindle. After that it seemed like I was in need of another thing to preoccupy my time. So we moved, to North Carolina.

     Moving again wasn't all happiness and joy like what some people tell you in the movies. I felt like when we moved, I left a little piece of me there. But we packed up and moved on.


    The start of moving into our new home was actually exciting. I got a room to myself with a large window! I was actually previewing what my room was going to look like. There would be a picture here, a picture there. I wanted my room to be yellow, a bright color as to a dark color. I wanted positive, bright in my life. We had Scooby, so it was fun! The first day of school was scary, but it always is for the new kids. I grew to love North Carolina. I met friends that meant something to me. I met my best friend there, and we hung out and loved to watch movies and read the same book series. Life was good. But it's like whenever my life starts getting good, something bad has to happen.


     We had to move again, but this time we moved to Iowa and lived with my grandpa. For some reason, this move really took it's toll on me. First, I lost my best friend and believed that we would talk anymore because I wasn't there and she had things that were more important. We still talk to this day but not as much. Which is okay, since we both have seperate lives. Then, I lost Scooby. The traumatic part was when we took her to the no kill shelter and I saw her for the last time. I didn't let those leave my thoughts, which I should have done because instead I took it out on my parent's and myself. I sat upstairs most of the time and wrote in my journal, and looked into the window and wished I still lived in North Carolina.

     Then after what seemed like years, we moved again and this time it was back to Colorado. We lived with my grandma and life didn't feel the same. I didn't let the stuff from the past go, I let it eat at me. It has overall really affected my life in ways that I didn't think would happen. But I let it happen, so anything that has made me who I am today is because I didn't make the stand to chose better for myself.

     Now I permanent live in Colorado with my boyfriend. I wake up every morning to the mountains and the sun trying blind us from the curtains. If I said I wanted to change everything yes there are some circumstances that would make me want to change a great many things, but not where I am right now. I get this feeling, of happiness and joy when I can wake up in a place I love with someone right next to me. I get to watch the mountains everyday when I'm driving, or sitting and can't think. The mountain's symbolism something to me. I haven't found out what yet, but when  I do. I think it'll change me again, into the person I'm supposed to be. 

Living With A Crutch

     I've lived my life worrying about what everyone thinks about me. Self approval from others seems to be a main thing in my life. I've let it control me, and it's become a monster. It started when I was in middle school and continued to take over my life. I would come home from school and tell my mom about my horrible day. Even thought it wasn't horrible, in my mind it was because someone made fun of my clothes or my hair and I couldn't take it. 

     In High School, I started the end of my freshman year in Colorado. At the same school my mom graduated from.I decided to fit in, I would highlight my hair days before I had to start. The fateful day came and I went to school. I remember the many looks from different strangers as to my weird hair. High school wasn't the best years for me. I kept my head down, joined NJROTC because  I didn't think I could do any better. Going from year to year until Senior Year when I was finally able to drive myself to school, and choose the clothes I was going to wear. 

      The biggest thing that really made me depressed was when people would pick on me because of my weight. I've struggled with this since we moved to Iowa, when I thought I couldn't live anymore because we moved from the one place that I finally felt like I could be accepted. So to react to this sudden change I let food become the number one priority. A stupid decision on my part, but it was the only thing that I thought could help me. Looking at it now, I really could have done better with that time. Instead of dwelling on the past I could have been planning my future. Making my life easier and my parent's too. Decisions, are the hardest thing to make when you don't really feel so great about yourself.

       I've let words that others have said affect my outlook on myself. My self esteem isn't the best right now, it's because I've let myself get to this point. I didn't do anything to change it, except keep listening to it. But in my quest to become the real me, I have chose not to let what others say get to me, there just words that can't hurt me. 

Biggest Fear

     We all have fears that keep us from really living life. In some of the people that I interact with, I see what makes them fear doing something that they might want to do but are afraid of. I have a lot of fears, and sometimes I let them take control of me. It's in my nature, to be afraid.

     As a little girl, normal things that would scare me are scary movies, and monsters under my bed. But in all reality I was afraid when we would move from one place to another. That first night in the new place was always the worst. The creaks, and noises coming from the house would keep me up most of the night. It took a lot for me to sleep in the new houses we lived in.

     I remember when we lived in North Carolina, it was our first night at the new house. I couldn't fall asleep because my room was the one with the biggest window. There was a blind to cover the outside world from the little girl huddled in her bed. The crickets were chirping extra loud, and I wasn't used to it. I tossed and turned most of that night. For some reason, I remember getting a CD from the library that made me cry so much. It was the BeeGees, and it was a sad song. I replayed it so many times and began to think about my mom. For some reason, I had a feeling that I was going to lose her. I couldn't explain it at that time but it made me cry for some months. I never told my mom this because I didn't want her to worry. But for some months, I changed my whole outlook on a great many things. I sat in my room and stared outside, and didn't hang out with my family as much as what I used to.

     To this day I still worry about my family. Now that there is a distance between us I can not see them as much as what I was so used to. The fear of losing them is the biggest one in my heart even with the fights and moments we don't talk.


     I many fears, but I've let them take over me for so long that I haven't been able to live my life. It's time I take a stand and do the things that most make me worry or ave fears, its called living life.

The Real Me

     It's been a while since I've really been able to think about myself. Who I really am, and what I'm capable of. I've really been living my life for who I am and what I believe in. I've been living in a fake body and mind. It's really come to hurt me mentally and also physically. It's taken me this long to really realize the extent of the damage.

     It started when I was younger, I thought I could be anything. My parents really did their best in trying to raise me to become who I wanted. I thought most of the things that they were doing wasn't really beneficial to me so I quit listening, and that's really affected me.

     I lived my life scared of everything. I never admitted it to my parents because I didn't want them to think little of me. I had no life ambition,  and all I wanted to do was be a kid. It was easy, I didn't have to worry about responsibility, no care in the world. When I started getting older, the responsibility wasn't something I thought I could handle. That's probably why I got into trouble most of the time.

     I never listened to my mom's advice, and I never thought to care either. Maybe that's why my mom and I can't get along. I miss her, more than she knows. There isn't a day that goes by that I can't stop thinking about my mom. In one of her pieces, she says " It doesn't come with a handbook nor the children with instructions." I read that piece and I started to think, I was the first born, and I realize how hard it was for my parents. I've grow to understand what she meant, and I feel horrible.


     I regret most of the things I've done in my life. But the number one thing I regret the most, is letting the relationship with my mom get so bad to where we don't even talk anymore. The hardest part for me, is knowing that she is so far away and I can't give her a hug when I really need to, like right now.

     When I was in High School, that's when it took a turn for the worst. I let go of my mother's advice and love for others opinions about me. I never let my mom get close to me because I thought I could do it! I didn't need her anymore, and I was so wrong. Last year was a hard year for her and I. I know that I can't really change anything that happened. But I'm hoping that I can learn from it and let go and live my life on.


     I am coming to the realization that life isn't going to always agree with me. It's going to give me bumps in the road and people coming in and out of my life. But that's the exciting part about life, how I am going to deal with it. I have to be true to myself, if nothing else. It wouldn't be me living my life, just someone saying they are me.
    

Not Enough Hours In The Day...

            Lately it seems like the day just goes by so fast. We fall into a “routine” of things that we do daily or weekly. Whatever it is, it makes our day go by faster. For me I used to have those days were it seems like the day will never end. Those days  when I was still in school, sitting in a classroom and writing notes. I would constantly keep looking at the clock to wonder when the class would be over and the school would let us out for the day.

           

            Now that I’m out of high school it seems like my days consists of waking up, taking care of a couple of things, and then going back to bed. Now that it is a new year, I’m trying to make the most of each of my days. No matter how small the goal or project for the day. I try to keep myself busy, I used to sit in a room and either listen to music and stare at the wall or I would sleep. I used to sleep a lot, and for some reason it seems like I can’t get enough of sleep.

           

            Remember as a kid, you would have nap times at the house or when you were in kindergarten you would have nap times as well. Growing up, I used to hate those. I felt like sometimes it was a punishment. I remember when I would go to bed; my mom would tell me to face the wall so that way I could close my eyes. I still to this day face the wall when I go to bed. Kinda weird, huh?

            The summer before my senior year of high school I used to sit in my room and stay on my computer all the time. It was like my getaway from life. I was always on Facebook. My parent’s used to call me the roommate because I would only come out for food, using the bathroom, or to hang out with my friends. It was horrible the way I was. But I’m learning now that I have my own place that I can do a bunch of things now.

            I cook, clean, do laundry, watch TV occasionally, quilt, read books, write this blog, write stories, etc. I try to stay busy and it helps me sometimes especially at night. When I feel so tired, I know it’s cause I stayed busy and I’ll have a good night’s sleep. It’s the best feeling in the world when you know you aren’t wasting a precious day of your life.

Electronics

            Being in a generation that revolves around electronics, it’s not sad to say that most of the things my generation grew up with will eventually disappear as many generations in the past may feel. I grew up reading books and going to the library. It was an adventure when my mom would take us, I could get any book I wanted and it felt amazing. Especially when you go up to the counter and check out the books, you get a sense of pride and independence, well at least for me I did.

            When I turned Sixteen, I got my first phone. I remember begging my parents to get me one because all the other kids had one so I had to have one as well. They told me that in time when I turned to the age of responsibility I could get my very own phone. Being a teen, it upset me when my friends would come and ask me if they could “text” me and I told them no. I think at that time I grew to resent my parents for some time. I regret it now, but I can’t change the past. I can only learn from it and grow on from my choices and decisions.

            As soon as I got that phone I immediately began to text my friends and tell them how cool I was. Typical teen, ridiculous.  I took care of that phone, it was my baby. I carried it everywhere. I was always on it. My parent’s first bill with my name on it was exciting yet scary. I remember my mom telling me that I had over one thousand texts in one month. What could I say, it was my obsession.

            The next electronic I got was my Ipod when I was seventeen. I took that everywhere I went as well. I put the songs I liked on it and listened to it whenever I could. I would fall asleep with it when I went to bed at night. By that time I was feeling pretty good about having a phone and an Ipod. But that didn’t stop me, I wanted more.

            My next electronic was this laptop. I remember my dad telling me I was going to get one. I was so excited! I stayed on it for the longest time. I could get on anytime and surf the internet. It was my new baby. I wasted most of my summer on my laptop.

            Now I’m obsessed with electronics, just ask my family and friends and they’ll tell you. I’ve become obsessed with my electronics. It’s just my nature.

Done Pleasing

     For a long time I've always been the  people pleaser. The person who will drop everything just to make one person or multiple people happy. Where has that got me? Nowhere. It started when I was younger, and it's became an ugly habit that hasn't made me feel any better about myself.

     When I was younger, it was always a constant fight for attention between my brother and I. Me being the oldest, I was supposed to be more "responsible".  Being a little kid, you wanted to do anything in your power to make your parents happy. At least for me I did, I tried my hardest to anything and everything my mom asked me to do. I would clean my room, make my bed, get ready for the day, etc. I was good in school, and got somewhat good grades. Yet, it still seemed like it was always a competition between Jonathan and I. I grew to resent this and became a "bad" child as my family has told me. I grew to hate being the oldest one.

     Growing up seemed like a milestone for me. Everyday when we would come home from school it seemed like I was always going to bed hating that day and looking forward to the next one because maybe, just maybe I could make my parent's happy like my brother was doing. Yet, it didn't seem this way.

     When I finally transitioned from Middle School to High School, things finally started looking up for me. My brother and I weren't in the same school so the competition could calm down, I was so wrong. It was the grades he was getting that made my parent's question how smart I was in school. I wasn't really doing the best in school because I was to worried about pleasing everyone I met. Mainly my parents.

     When my brother came to High School, it started up again. I joined NJROTC and thought that it could be my thing. I was wrong, it was our thing. The one thing I thought I could have to myself wasn't the way I thought. It was major competition between us again. Gladly, I graduated high school and moved onto becoming my own person.

     Since, I've moved out of my parents house. I've learned a key thing about my life. I've been a pleaser and it hasn't any better for me. It's really brought me down, my self esteem and everything like that. But I've finally made the decision to quit pleasing everyone. The one person I have to please is myself. Self happiness is the most important thing for me. It's the one thing that's important to myself.


I won't let it stop me from becoming myself.

My Adventure Into College

     It's said that right after high school, we are supposed to go to college. I chose another path, and that has led me to a place to call my own with a person who loves me for who I am. It's led me to having some heartache but nothing I can't take. It's led me to finding my true self and realizing that I am going to be okay. It's led me to today.

     I felt that I was going to move out of my parents and into my own place where I could maintain a job and also go to college at the same time, at least that's what I thought. I didn't think that I could fall in love with one of my friends and decide to move in with him. But life isn't what you expect it to be. It throws objects and emotions into the littlest things. A curve ball if you will, is something that I've had to live with for a while since I've been able to make some decisions on my own.

     It was just recently that I have come into the broad term of college. I know that it is somewhat important in your life. Right now, I'm looking into a community college just as a part time thing while I continue to live my life. I would really like to go for Journalism, seeing as it is my passion.

     When I started this blog, my ideas was to be able to express myself and get more creative in my writing. I also started this blog to help me express things that have been happening in my life.  I've got a while before my college experience happens. But I'm still thinking about it. 

Baking

     I've always had a passion for cooking. It started when I was younger, watching my mom in the kitchen take simple items and making it into something amazing. It was fascinating. I didn't really think that I could ever do something amazing like that. Usually for me it was making toast, and then it grew into something better.
    
     When I became older, it was more interesting than when I was younger. Plus, I was also able to cook more. As my dad was at work, and my mom started working to support the kiddos. I was in charge of making dinner. Oh boy, was I excited! My mom would set out the food that we were going to have before I came home for school. When I'd get home I would listen to the instructions and then go do homework and then when the time came I would make dinner.

     I would cook a variety of things. Spaghetti, Mac and Cheese, Hamburgers, Hamburger Helpers, etc. I felt comfortable making things that I knew I couldn't screw up on. My mom would make lasagna from scratch, manicotti from scratch and a bunch of other yummy dishes.

     When I was transitioning from middle school to high school I was asked what I would want to do with my life. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do. I sat down, bugged my mom for help. It finally came to cooking. I thought maybe I could become a chef. In one of my classes, I was told to write about my future career.

     After a couple of years, I decided that I didn't want to do cooking as a career, but a hobby. Cooking is more an interest instead of job. I used to borrow library books about cooking and recipes, I got my very own recipe book, and sat in my room for hours and copy different recipes because it seemed interesting.  

     Now that I'm on my own, with my boyfriend, I can cook more.  I amaze him with my ability to cook different items. I have to thank my mom for that. Cooking is really fun. It's a part of my life

Free Day

     It's been said that every once and a while you need a day to yourself. In a busy life, you don't really have a lot of time to spend to yourself. I wouldn't say that I'm a "busy" person. But overall sometimes I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and I can't take it. It's definitely changed me from who I was before.

     I've definitely changed, and I'll tell you why. Before I would always let the stress and struggle of life get to me. I used to sit in my room and read self help books to make myself feel better. I have notebooks upon notebooks with words of wisdom to reassure myself that I was alright. I took what the books told me to do and I tried to incorporate that into my life. After a while, it seemed like my life was getting worse. So I completely stopped doing anything the books said. Every once and a while I will look back on it and ponder.

     I never really had a lot of friends. The ones I have are amazing. They accept me for me, and don't judge. Which seems like a weird thing huh? Not judging, it's seems everyone does that now a days in society.

     I've always needed a couple of free days in my life. A day where you can relax and not worry about anything. I have my girls that love to hang out with me. While they are away at College, I lay around the house and don't accomplish a couple of my goals.That's change though, I always want to clean and work on things that will help me succeed in the future and help me with my relationship with Zach.

     It's not bad to take a day to yourself. It's actually quite healthy. So if you feel stressed out, take a deep breath. It will be okay! Get a couple of your girlfriends, and enjoy a night of chick flicks and chocolate.

Thanks for reading! Have a great day!

A Song Birds Tune...

Man's Best Friend

     Scooby was my dog. We got her in Georgia around the same time we got Ruby. I never had a dog before. My parent's had a couple when I was younger but I don't really remember them as much as I remember Ruby and Scooby. Like any other kid I was so excited to have a dog, I told my parent's I would do everything to take care of them.
   
     It started out as an innocent day at the animal shelter, we were bored and so I asked my parents if we could go to the shelter and look at dogs. I never thought that day we would be taking one home. I was pumped, I love dogs I have my whole life. We walked around and the barks from dogs made it surreal. Could there be so many dogs? There were just as many cats as there was dogs. I would pet some of the cats and loved to hear them purring. As we walked through the sections of dogs, I would stare at some and I would fall in love with them. That's when I looked at Ruby and felt a connection to her, and that was it.

     I begged my mom and dad to get her. The way she looked with dark reddish fur, and the cutest white nose ever. I had to have her. I remember my mom telling me that we were just looking, but after 2 or 3 aisles of dogs, she finally said yes. I was so excited that day. We took her home and it changed my life. I would always be around her. Took her outside and made her play house with me. It was an amazing time.

     Around that same time we went back again and went looking for a playmate for Ruby. It wasn't me that found her this time, it was my mom. Walking through the aisles, we came across a dog sitting. It was strange because all the other one's were close to the gate and barking to get your attention. She was calm, and looked into my moms eyes and had that cheesy look. I will always remember that.

     We got Snoopy, who later we named Scooby. Ruby and her got along, and it finally felt like it was great. I paid more attention to Ruby than I did with Scooby. We would lay and read books together while she licked my face. She was a really good dog to me, and I will never forget her. I remember that day exactly on the spot. I remember waking up right next to her and getting ready for school that day. I gave her a kiss on the head, and told her to be a good girl. When I got home... everything changed.

     That same day, I was excited to go home and see my girl. I remember opening the door and my mom was sitting at the dinner table with the phone and a Kleenex. Herr puffy red eyes made me question her. She calmly told me to sit down and take a deep breath. As I began to tear up, she told me that we had to put Ruby to rest. The previous owners before us, didn't really take good care of her.

     She was an old dog, she had her years. You could tell her age by her white spots on her fur. I dreaded that day. I had a couple more days with her, so I wasn't going to let any time fly by. I spent from the time I woke up, to the time after school to the time I went to bed.

     The dreadful day came, I remember it clearly. We woke up and got ready to go to the same shelter we got her. I sat in the back seat and made sure I held onto her. When we got there, the doctor came and made sure that we said our final goodbyes. My mom didn't want me to hear anything going on, so I held onto Ruby, and told her how much I loved her. Tears and all, I let her go. The doctor told me that he would make sure she didn't feel a thing. I began to cry even more, as we began walking towards the door, I looked back at her. She looked back at me and I swear to this day I saw a tear come from her eyes. We walked out of the shelter and walked to the car. I was quiet the whole ride home. That's the last thing I remember of my baby.

     And even though we didn't get to spend a whole lot of time together, she was my favorite dog and she always will be. R.I.P Ruby, you are loved and missed.


     As time moved on, it seemed to me like I didn't want to be around Scooby as much because it reminded me so much of Ruby. Scooby was definitely special though, she was a Canaan, a special breed from Israel.I spent a lot of time with her especially after I lost Ruby. She became my best friend, the one I could talk to and just rub her head and she would always fall asleep on me.

     When we moved to North Carolina my dad made her a dog pen out in the back of the house. She had a dog house and we even got her a dog pool for when it was really hot outside. I was in charge of taking care of her. At first, I didn't want to. I didn't want to become so close to her especially after what happened to Ruby. But she became close to me. In the morning, I would wake up extra early and make sure she got a full bowl of food,  I would go out  after school everyday and pick up after her and make sure she had cold water in her water bowl and her pool. I'd take her on walks down the street to make sure she didn't stay cooped up in the dog pen.

     I spent a lot of time with her, it was amazing how close we got. I remember a couple of funny times we shared. Like, one day we were working on lawn work ( mowing, raking, weeding, etc.) at the end of the day when we all went inside we heard Scooby barking. My dad went out to investigate his weapon of choice a broom. As he got closer we heard him yell " OH S***, it's a snake." Exact words he said and we all freaked out. It was big and black and it was heading straight for Scooby's pool of cold water. Scooby wouldn't have it and she defended the pool and was growling and trying to scare the snake away. When my dad got out there he pushed the broom handle towards the snake and pushed it back out of the hole it came out of. He came back in after making sure she was okay and we didn't see that snake again. Thank goodness.

     Another time was when my mom and I woke up one morning to take the clothes and hang them up on the clothes hanger we had right next to Scooby's pen. When I opened the blind to the screen door to see if she was awake I saw 3 young deers not to far from her pen. Eating grass and not paying attention to her, it was quite comical actually. Scooby didn't move at all, she was in one stance and that was attack mode. We watched them quietly and made sure that we got a full show. One of the deer noticed Scooby watching them and to be funny came close up to her pen. Scooby attacked the metal trying to get the deer, and they ran back into the woods.


     One day we came home from school and my dad was home early. He worked at Lowes at the time so he was gone most of the days. We got in and my mom and dad asked us to sit down on the couch. I knew it was gonna be bad news. About 30 minutes later, I found out that we were moving, and my dad was fired from Lowes. That hit me the worst. We talked about how we were going to live with my grandpa in Iowa and we couldn't take Scooby because my grandpa had a dog and they didn't know if they were going to get along. So like with Ruby, I spent as much time with Scooby. I even had pictures taken of me holding her like a baby in my arms.

     We took her to a No Kill Shelter, because in North Carolina they didn't have very many. I remember the day before taking a few strands of her hair and putting it in a locket to make sure I could remember her forever. We took her into the shelter and the lady immediately took her from me and put her in the back. While she and my dad were talking, I asked to go back to see her one last time. Tears streaming down my face, the words choked when I spoke them. She said yes, and my brother and I went back. We heard her barking and whimpering clawing at the gate, I told her that everything was going to be okay. I told her how much I loved her and I stroked her head, I didn't want to let her go. My dad called for me and all I can remember is hearing her whimper and that's the last I saw of my best friend.

     As the move was unexpected and unwanted, we packed our things and left out little house. I still remember everything that happened there, all the memories. I miss it sometimes when things are rough. I remember asking my dad all the time to call and see if she was okay. The lady who owned the shelter fell in love with Scooby and wanted to adopt her. But this elderly lady fell in love with Scooby and took her home. I guess the lady passed away and left Scooby in her will. Her ex husband came and took her to where she was being put to rest, and while on the way. Scooby impressed the man so much that he decided to keep her instead of putting her in a shelter. When I heard that story, I was so relieved to hear that she was okay and in a good place. She has her own room in the mansion the lady lived in, and an even bigger pool to play in ( It's a lake..)

     I know it's very hard to give your best friend away, or put them to sleep. At least for me, that's the biggest pain I've ever had to endure in my life. But the pain goes away when I understand why they had to leave. They had a higher calling, not only to make our life better, but to make someone else's life even better. I'll never forget Ruby nor Scooby. They will forever be in my heart, and I know that when it comes time, I'll be able to see them again.

R.I.P Ruby, You were my best friend and my cuddle buddy. I Love You Dearly, and You be good up in heaven baby.


To Scooby, You were there for me when I thought times were hard. I miss you all the time to girly and I hope your okay. All my love!


Have a great day. Thanks for reading!

A Song Birds Tune

Feeling Accomplished..

     One of my New Years Resolutions, is to start writing in my journal again. For a while I didn't write and it was kind of horrible. You know, life gets involved and it takes over. Well that's what happened. I would start to write in an entry, and then next thing I know I don't want to finish.

     Yesterday, it seemed like after everything that went on. I finally had something to write about. I actually figured out everything I needed to do and got it accomplished. I wrote a list, and made sure everything I accomplished was complete. It feels amazing when you know you haven't wasted a day.

     I used to do that all the time, wasting my days. Watching T.V or on the internet for most of the day, very rarely do I take naps. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to waste a day when there are plenty of things for me to do. That's why I hope that this year will be different. I can take care of what's most important to me like taking care of the house, cooking, getting a job and bringing home money, making my boyfriend happy while he does the same for me.

     I'm finally realizing that life doesn't have to be bad. It just depends on how you look at the situation, and complete the task.


Have a great Tuesday! Thank you for the support

Song Bird

Quilting

     My mom first introduced me into quilting when I was a young girl. I specifically remember because when we lived in North Carolina, she had a blanker that she was always working on. It even had it's own place on the rocking chair, where she would sit and quilt for hours on end.

     Watching my mom quilt was fascinating, and I would beg her all the time to show me how to start one. Finally, after weeks of begging, we went to Wal- Mart and I was finally able to pick out a design I liked. My goal.. Making the blanket for a baby doll of mine. When I started it out I was focused, but like any other child at the time I lost interest. Then my mom was the one who pushed me.

     I finished that quilt, and I still have it to this day. It's not for my dolls anymore, but I'm keeping it in a safe place. After creating that quilt, I thought to myself that I should wait till I'm really interested in it. I finally found my interest in quilting.

     My mom made me a lighthouse quilt that I adore and care for very much. It took her 4 years to hand stitch it. I watched her when she would quilt the different pieces. So much love and care is in that blanket. I love you mom.

     Recently, I decided that I was going to start quilting as a hobby, just like my mom. Talking to my boyfriend, he agrees that it would be a great thing to do with my time. So now that it's a new year, I'm going to start quilting.

     Right now, I'm working on a baby blanket for a family member. Hopefully it will turn out the way I'm hoping it does, with all the knowledge my mom gave me. So let's see how it turns out.

     Quilting is a great thing to learn, not only does it teach you quality in your work but it teaches you that you can make something great that not only you will appreciate but the person you made it for.

Thank You For Reading. Have a wonderful day!

Song Birds Tune