Life's About Letting Go

     I've been learning about something that I never thought I could ever do... letting go. For me, I would always hold onto the bad and the good memories that come into my life. When I was a little girl I would try my best to watch what I was doing around everyone see as a kid it's easy to let go of things. Time goes on and letting go seems to disappear from your thoughts. You start taking everything to heart well at least certain people do. I wasn't like most people I took everything anyone ever told me to heart. Plenty of times in school I would be bullied and it wasn't the best feeling in the world.
   
      In most cases I would cower in corners and hide myself from the people that didn't understand me. Years and years went by and it seemed my life was slowly getting worse. It didn't matter who told me, anything that someone said I would take into heart.
   
      Family time was a good thing, when I was younger we would read and write and watch The Lion King all the time. It seemed like as time went on things got harder. Since being the oldest one out of the two I was responsible for a lot of things. Cooking, Cleaning, Making sure my school work was done, being a good sister.
   
     Recently I was in charge of watching over my little brother. Seem's like an easy task right? Being a recent graduate of High School and getting my first job at Safeway I was excited! With my parents gone to Iowa I was left in charge of taking care of the house and my brother. At first, I felt like I had it all taken care of. I would go to work and he would play Xbox. Slowly but surely it seemed that I wasn't doing all that my parents wanted. Getting constant criticism and negativity from my "decisions" I let it get to me. I was never in charge of the house, working a job, and taking care of my brother all at the same time.
   
     Hanging out with my friends too didn't make it any better. My situation wasn't the best in the world. My parent's might tell you differently but for me it was a new experience. Let's just say it changed my entire life.

     Being a child that took everything to heart as an adult it is still like that. I am always serious all the time, I can't take jokes, I can't let loose, and I can't let go. Letting go of my past is the hardest thing in my life.

     Until recently I started thinking about everything that I've let get to me. Many days I've sat wondering how different my life would be if I wouldn't have let things get to me. Maybe I wouldn't have depression I wouldn't have negative thoughts I could finally live my life the way I want. I could be me.

     I finally made the decision to just let go. I'm tired of letting my past and people get to me. I'm tired of many nights crying or many days having disagreements with Zach because I can't let go of my past. My future is what I make of it. I want to succeed in life, not just waste the days away.

     My mom and I have had plenty of disagreements, and since my moving out it just seems like her and I will never get on the same page. It seems she has a difference of opinion in certain aspects of my life, while I tried to understand her ways of thinking I just can't. Days and day's I would sit and wonder and take what she told me to heart. I love my mom to death she gave me a great childhood and I will never forget that. The decisions I made have cost me my relationship with my mom. Fighting with her isn't the best thing for me, I take what she says to heart.

     I don't want to fight with her anymore. But it seems like the situation has gone for the worst.  We need a break, maybe to find out who we are and what we truly need. So mom if you are reading this don't think that i'm giving up on you. I love you, you're my best friend, my role model, but most importantly my mom.
   

     I've finally learned to let go of the past it doesn't help me in the future, it makes me dwell on the past. I want to focus on my life on my wonderful boyfriend who has helped me out, my future goals of becoming a journalist, and my life.

The Misadventures of A Young Adult

     Here's another piece to my story. Lately, it seems like life has been trying to make it harder for me to understand. What I mean by this is the fact that certain aspects in my life are starting to unravel. A couple days ago, it seemed like life was actually starting to get back together. I was hanging out with my girlfriends, and enjoying some time away from life. We went to see a movie " Catching Fire" and we went to Gunther Toodies. Spending time with them was reassuring that I had great friends that cared. Later that night, I came to see my boyfriend after a long day of work for him. His painful cries and moans made me cry and worry for him, so we finally took him to the E.R after begging him to do it for himself. We were awake through the morning til 5:30 am and it seemed like he was finally going to feel better. Leaving him was the hardest thing for me knowing that I was going to be away from him made me want to stay with him. Getting home, my mind was racing on a multitude of things. Knowing that I needed to sleep because I had a job interview later I went to bed and tried to sleep. After three hours I got up and went back to working for the completion of today's goals. Going to the interview I was nervous yet confident in my decisions.
     With Zach in the hospital and me worrying about the money and all that my heart started to ache. Constantly going to see him it is great to see the progress that he is accomplishing. As long as he's able to function! Thanksgiving dinner was nice having it with his family. Black Friday shopping was a new experience to me with my new family. Getting a Tablet, Hair Dye, and makeup kit was great! This is the story of the Misadventures of A Young Adult..

Have a wonderful night!

Steph

Having Second Thoughts..?

     Life is all about choices some can be good while other's not so good. We make these choices everyday of our life by deciding on whether or not we want to spend $80 on a new game or keep the $80 for gas to get to work the next day. Take one choice you've made and really look at it. You could have made the right or wrong decision. In my life I've made some right and wrong decisions. I'll give you an example of something I've done right and wrong.

RIGHT:

- Graduating High School: Yes I did have my mother and father constantly on my back to make sure I stayed on top of everything that I needed to accomplish, and I love them for not giving up on me even when I thought I would have.

WRONG:

- Over the summer, moving out of my parent's house before they came back.  Now some of you can view this as wrong, but in a way in my mind I think this could be considered right and wrong. It all depends on how you look at it.

I'm still having second thoughts on some of the decisions I've made in my life, but that's something that I have to deal with. Basically, my decisions I chose because either that made sense to me or because it was the most logical thing to do. Either way, at the end of the day those decisions will either affect me positively or negatively just like they will for you.

Decision making is probably one of the most hardest things to do, and I think a lot of people will agree with me. My advice, just don't let it get to you so much to where you start to second guess everything you do. It won't end up well.

Have a great day song birds, and stay strong!

Steph

p.s - Here's a picture that I find to be true

A Piece From A Special Someone

The Song Bird in My Life

I've been blessed to have a songbird in my life.  She came to me when I was just 23 years old.  She was exactly what I needed even though it took a long time to realize just how much I needed her song in my life.  The song she sings has brought both joy and pain into my world and I love her more every day for the song that she sings.

I am late to the social media phenomenon.  I am a child of the early 70's and so my priorities are different than this generation.  My children, the Songbird and her brother, have been using Facebook and Twitter for quite some time.  I recently joined Twitter as a way of communicating with them as there is instant access and daily communication because there is distance between us now.  They tell me #thestruggleisreal.  I believe it.

The Songbird and I have struggled this year.   We had a death in the family and while I was attending to that a predator, a dark force with ill intentions, swooped into our nest and stole my songbird away from me.  The Songbird, who had made me so proud at her graduation several weeks earlier was gone when I returned.  There was no trace of her in the nest her father and I had lovingly created.  I was devastated.  I loved the Songbird more than she knew or even knows to this day.

The Songbird was a happy one growing up.  She used to light up any room that she entered.  She giggled and laughed, spent afternoons on my lap reading books and developed a love of writing that I share.  She used to run down the hallway so that her Dad could toss her on the bed and she would laugh and laugh.  I miss those days.

My Songbird grew up so fast.  I was there with her every day of her life.  I had the privilege of contributing to her song.  Benefiting from her innocence and watching her mature into who she is today.  She asked me some time ago, before she graduated, if I would contribute to her blog.  I never found the time but this is my contribution now.

The Songbird is grown up now and on her own.  The song she sings someone else is able to hear every day now.  I get glimpses of the song every now and then when we Skype.  The Songbird struggles and my heart aches to help her from a distance.  The predator, the one who stole my Songbird, still has access to her.  More than I like because the predator knows that interfering the way she did hurts me.  I tried to keep my Songbird from the predator to no avail.  The Songbird was too trusting and for that we, both she and I, have paid a heavy price.  One of time and distance.

I want to tell my Songbird that she is one of the loves of my life.  It has been a joy to have her song in my life and a blessing to my heart.  It is beautiful to me and it gives peace to my heart to hear it.  I am crazy about her.  She is loved very much by me and her Dad.

I hope that as the years go by her song gets stronger and carries her to places she wants to go, doing the things that she wants to do that will make her happy.  I hope that she never forgets what a blessing she has been to someone who grew up in darkness and yearned to have a beautiful songbird come into her life.  It's amazing what the song of a songbird can do to change the heart of someone who had no hope and was blessed long before they realized it.  We should all have the song of a songbird in our lives.  The world would be a much better place if we did.

The Misadventures of A Young Adult

  This series will continue and I called it " The Misadventures.." Simply because life is all about adventures. Except in this case, my adventures don't turn out the way I want them to. So here we go..

     Recently, I became unemployed. Not by my choice but because I became seriously ill. I had a severe case of Strep Infection and P.I.D ( Acute pelvic inflammatory disease). I couldn't stand for more than 3 minutes without feeling dizzy. I couldn't bare to eat knowing that I might puke it back up, I was miserable. Zach took me to Urgent care two times, and in the first try they diagnosed me with U.T.I ( Urinary Tract Infection) and made me take Cipro. That wasn't working, so we went back and they gave me the diagnoses of Strep and P.I.D. That was at least a week ago that I started taking the meds they prescribed and started feeling better. But during this time, my work began to bug me. I told them what I had, they didn't seem to care. Telling me that I was lying, I was confused about what they were trying to do. At least 4 days ago, I found out from Co workers, that my boss John and a couple other managers made it official and fired me. To say that i'm mad, yes I am. I worked my butt off there for many months, six to be exact. Safeway is a good place, but not a good place to work. I can at least thank them for teaching me somethings about how it is at the workplace.

So now, I stay at home and work on my Party Planning Job. It's called " It's A Party.." Currently, I'm looking for a part time job until I get this one set up. I'm trying to get my life together, but I know that it  will take some time, and plenty of baby steps. But i'm up for the challenge!

So my question to you.. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why?

All my love,

Steph