Life's Biggest Lesson for Young Adults

When moving out on your own, it won't be as easy as it looks in the movies. It takes careful planning, and making sure you are set for any obstacle that comes in the way. I'm learning this lesson right now, it's stressful and time consuming but every young adult I think will go through this.

Imagine this- You just got your first job and your happy! Telling yourself that you will not spend one penny of you paycheck when you get it. Really? I believe that everyone has told themselves that line. Yes there are those that actually keep to their word, and then there are some that as soon as you get that paycheck it's gone within the hour. How would you rate yourself on that?

For me, when I first got my paycheck at Safeway I told myself I wasn't going to spend it. At the time, I was still living with my parents. I didn't really have to worry about any "bills" and buying food. I only had to worry about my phone and car insurance, not to mention gas for the car. I thought if I could, I'd save enough money and get everything I always wanted.

Yet, when I got that first paycheck, immediately I blew through it. Hanging out with friends, I bought stuff we could all enjoy. And let me just say... if you get a paycheck, the first place to go is your bank not the mall. I learned that lesson quick.

I was in a crunch, I lied at my grans. Wanted to move out and live on my own, or with my boyfriend? I chose to move in with my boyfriend and it wasn't a bad decision. We both are learning the responsibilities of being out on our own.

Now that I have a place of my own, I'm starting to realize some of the most important things. For one, the rent is something that is probably the most important things. You need a roof over your head right? Second, the responsibility of making sure that those bills you need to pay are paid off in time. And when you move out, you have maybe 4 to 5 bills to pay on top of the rent. But it isn't as bad as what it sounds, it's all about making sure you are doing the right thing to succeed in life. Going to work and earning the money for the bills and the food and gas for the cars. It's a lot to take in huh?

I woke up this morning, and when my wonderful boyfriend went to work I realized that this is something I had on my mind a lot. He's working 2 jobs right now to put food on the table and pay the bills. I'm working one job to pay some of the bills and all the extras that he can't get. We are both working class young adults just fresh out of high school, I don't think either one of us thought we'd be where we are today. We come home from work, hurting, stressed out, and worrying about bills and such.

But in the end we still have each other. We are going to make it through all the hardships, and come out on top.


So here's the tip: Before you move out, make sure you do your research and are positive that this is what you want. If you already have, congrats to you!

See you tomorrow song birds,

Steph

My Relationships..

Yesterday's piece really started making me think about a lot. But don't worry, it wasn't negative. I came to realize that in my life, I haven't really had a lot of friends. You could say I was not the outgoing type, more of the stand in a corner and hope that no one would say something to me because then i'd have to talk back to them. I lived my life standing behind others, not raising my hand in class because I was to shy to have a bunch of eyes staring right at me for the answer, I wasn't the best at confidence. It started when we lived in North Carolina, just moving from Georgia, I packed everything and called Statesville, NC my new home. I was most definitely shy.

Going to the new school I expected kids to look at me funny and call me an outsider. It was middle school and it was different. For all of you that have had to go to a new school, you probably know what i'm talking about. The constant eyes staring at you, the whispers, the comments about your clothes all that is probably what got to me. See, i'm the type of person that can't take what people say and let it go I take it to heart. Probably another one of my self confidence weaknesses. Anyways, I tried my best to get out and be social, but there wasn't a bone in my body that wanted to be around people that seemed to have no interest in me unless to help them with homework. So i kept my head down, and piled through most of my middle school experience.

It wasn't until I met my friend, Chrissy. She soon became my best friend and I felt like I found someone I could trust with anything. We talked all the time, read the same books, had sleepovers and wrote about everything. We never fought, never had a disagreement about anything. To this day, I miss her dearly. When we found out we were moving, I felt hurt, taking it out on my parents, I regret it to this day. Before we left her and I came up with a story,  promising her I would finish it and send it to her, I'm going to keep that promise and hopefully finish it soon.

From North Carolina to Iowa, we moved in with my grandpa. I hadn't really talked to him for a while. Mad at my parents, and missing Chrissy, I went into my depression state, my first real time I remember it like it was yesterday.  During this time, I ate and ate. Food became my best friend at the time. I'd take food to my room at night and munch on it. Soon, my parents found out what I was doing, and put a stop to it. But, by the time they did, it was to late. I already gained a ton of weight, and it made me feel horrible about my self appearance.

Living at my grandpa's wasn't bad. I spent time with him, made him laugh, went fishing and had an amazing time. February of this year, I lost him. I don't remember telling him before we left that I loved him. That hurt the most. There are still days that I remember going to Clear Lake, and catching a fish before he does and he'd laugh. I love you grandpa! I miss you so much.

Moving to Colorado, my hometown, I started High School as a Freshman. I thought if I highlighted my hair blonde, it would make a difference. Not really, instead I still got the eyes taring at me in the hallway, the whispers of " here comes the new girl" and the laughs at my weight. My high school experience wasn't bad though. I joined NJROTC, and made a lot of friends. Went thorough school and made a coupe friends along the way. My best friend Cassie, and Kyra they were always there for me. Senior year was when I finally had a breakthrough. I made a ton of friends, I was kinda popular my senor year. Met the guy I thought I liked, a couple of other friends. But in the end, after high school, I never thought i'd be dating my friend. It's amazing how two people can be so compatible, and not even really notice. But I owe probably a lot to him, he just doesn't know it yet.

So here's another tip Song Birds, Stand up for yourself and be who you want to be. Self confidence in yourself is most important in your life, or other's will walk all over you.

With all my love,

Steph

The Misadventures Of A Young Adult

I've decided that i'm going to start a new little mini series about my life. Just to give me a new aspect into my thoughts and dreams. So here we go...


This seem's like so long ago, My Senior Picture. Since then, everything has changed. Some for the best, or for the worst. But we just don't know that yet, right?  6 months ago it seems like I was not ready to graduate. I had just made some amazing friends, had a guy I thought I liked, got a job and felt on top of the world right?

I had no idea that I'd move out of my parent's sooner than I thought, get a boyfriend and be happy, feel like for once in my life the pieces of my life were starting to change than what they normally were. I thought I had it all figured out... Boy was I wrong?

Some of the things I did yes I regret to a point, but some of it I don't. Like for instance moving out of my parents, yes I regret it to a point. I didn't tell my parents I was moving out, I left them a note. What a coward move right?

Having no where to really go, I decided to move in with my grandma. Yeah, not really what I was expecting. With no car, and a job.. It was kinda rough. To be honest, sometimes I felt like I was walking on eggshells in the house. The added tension of the hated towards others also didn't help. The only person that really was there for me at the time was my boyfriend.

When my parent's came home.. I was actually expecting the worst. I knew that what I did wasn't right, I realize that now. I was lost, confused, depressed, and literally hating my life. My parent's kept wanting to talk to me, understand why I did what I did, but I was scared. Rejecting them, I thought I could live my life without them.. I was so wrong.

Moving on, I had a relapse one day. I couldn't take the stress anymore. I finally decided to contact my mom, I couldn't help but cry that night on the phone with her. I've always looked up to my mom, she's my role model. she's been there for me when I thought I didn't really have anyone. Yes, we have fought, we fight and joke, and yes sometimes I can be a royal pain in the butt. But I knew that in the end she would always have my back. Driving down to the house that night, I was afraid of what would happen. Yet, when I saw her and my brother sitting on the porch, my heart felt one step closer to healing. Sitting down on the porch, it brought back so many memories.

I found myself staying at my boyfriend's more than at my grandma's. Which I don't think really helped out my situation with my grandma. Yet, in a way.. It was kind of better at his place than walking on eggshells at my gran's. Being my mother's daughter, I could sense my grandma was realizing I was changing, hanging out with my mom more before they left made me anxious to move out of my gran's.

Living with my boyfriend at his parent's. Was a sign of relief, from most of the stuff that kind of stressed me out at my grans. Talking to him about moving out his place was a topic we talked about regularly. With my parent's leaving to Iowa, it was a hard hit to my heart. Regaining the connection with my mom was  a great thing I finally felt like I could live my life again, being able to connect with my dad again was gonna take time, I really hurt him, and I feel horrible because of it. My brother wasn't really to interested in the family drama, I don't blame him. The pieces of my life were being put together again.

Yet, my life took a turn for the worst again, disagreeing with my family again, made the separation between us a little hard for me. It took my boyfriend texting my mom and telling her to leave me alone to realize that maybe we needed some space. I know in my hear t that he thought he was tying to help me. And yes, he was... but after that, my life crumbled again. Depression and thought of the past I let get to me. Hours upon hours, I'd sit in a chair and listen to depressing songs, reminding me of all the times ago when I would get depressed. He couldn't understand why I was acting like this, and some times in my mind I couldn't understand either. All I wanted was to be happy,  live my life and have no regret,  change my aspect on life and make it all I wanted it to be.

For almost 6 weeks, I let my depression get the best of me. All I wanted to do was cry, I couldn't understand why I let my past get to me. The depressing thoughts, I wanted them gone. Zac and I decided to move in together, yes it was a new experience for us. Taking our relationship further we decided to see if moving in together would be a good thing. It has it's moments, but in all reality, I wouldn't change this for the world. He's my structure support, my person I talk to about everything, my cuddle buddy, my protector from negative, and hopefully, my husband. I can honestly see myself marrying this man. He cares about me all the time,  makes me laugh and giggle, makes me angry sometimes with his logic but overall, 'm in love with him.

Contacting my mom again, I was afraid that what Zac did that would change how my mom looks at me. We had a long chat about that, and I feel we are in a better place now. Yes, we agree to disagree sometimes about different aspects of my life, but overall I just feel lucky to have her back in my life. I feel like I can take back my life and accomplish some of my goals like going to college and majoring in journalism, getting a great job where I can enjoy writing and expressing myself, continuing this blog and making memories while doing it, making my man happy and living a long life together, starting a party planning job and seeing where that goes, mainly being able to have a great family relationship with my parents and brother and knowing that I have supporting people behind my back, that's what I want.

And that's where I am today... Living my life one step at a time and not letting anyone or anything tell me differently.


So if I could give you one piece of advice in my 19 years of life, it's this.. Don't let your past get to you, take it one step at a time and keep your head up high..

Have a great day Song Birds,

Steph

Whisper

Come Back

What is this feeling

Like I've been falling

With a heavy ache and weight 

Sinking me lower and lower 

I can hardly breathe 

This love it aches 

It hurts and stirs

It urns for my affection and your kindness 

To make it everlasting

Knowing a wall

Sits in front of me 

It keeps me away

From loving you 

Now heres where I begin

All alone 

In the cold dark world we live in

Only to be lost forever in internal 

Loneliness 

Caution

Pain of Relationships

Love is delicate

Love is kind

Love is patient

You just need to use it in the right ways

Make it want you want it to be

Sculpting it into a master piece

Its a beautiful figurine 

Glistening in the pure light

But it always has its dark secrets 

Anger an Agony steal and kill 

You try to fight back 

Your too weak to continue

Love has left and life has betrayed you

There is no use for you to breathe anymore

You give up and drown in your blood

There is nothing left

Love didn't do this to you

The mistakes and  choices made you choke

The only way to get rid of this pain

Is if you let it go

With the wind

To never be seen again