Yesterday's piece really started making me think about a lot. But don't worry, it wasn't negative. I came to realize that in my life, I haven't really had a lot of friends. You could say I was not the outgoing type, more of the stand in a corner and hope that no one would say something to me because then i'd have to talk back to them. I lived my life standing behind others, not raising my hand in class because I was to shy to have a bunch of eyes staring right at me for the answer, I wasn't the best at confidence. It started when we lived in North Carolina, just moving from Georgia, I packed everything and called Statesville, NC my new home. I was most definitely shy.
Going to the new school I expected kids to look at me funny and call me an outsider. It was middle school and it was different. For all of you that have had to go to a new school, you probably know what i'm talking about. The constant eyes staring at you, the whispers, the comments about your clothes all that is probably what got to me. See, i'm the type of person that can't take what people say and let it go I take it to heart. Probably another one of my self confidence weaknesses. Anyways, I tried my best to get out and be social, but there wasn't a bone in my body that wanted to be around people that seemed to have no interest in me unless to help them with homework. So i kept my head down, and piled through most of my middle school experience.
It wasn't until I met my friend, Chrissy. She soon became my best friend and I felt like I found someone I could trust with anything. We talked all the time, read the same books, had sleepovers and wrote about everything. We never fought, never had a disagreement about anything. To this day, I miss her dearly. When we found out we were moving, I felt hurt, taking it out on my parents, I regret it to this day. Before we left her and I came up with a story, promising her I would finish it and send it to her, I'm going to keep that promise and hopefully finish it soon.
From North Carolina to Iowa, we moved in with my grandpa. I hadn't really talked to him for a while. Mad at my parents, and missing Chrissy, I went into my depression state, my first real time I remember it like it was yesterday. During this time, I ate and ate. Food became my best friend at the time. I'd take food to my room at night and munch on it. Soon, my parents found out what I was doing, and put a stop to it. But, by the time they did, it was to late. I already gained a ton of weight, and it made me feel horrible about my self appearance.
Living at my grandpa's wasn't bad. I spent time with him, made him laugh, went fishing and had an amazing time. February of this year, I lost him. I don't remember telling him before we left that I loved him. That hurt the most. There are still days that I remember going to Clear Lake, and catching a fish before he does and he'd laugh. I love you grandpa! I miss you so much.
Moving to Colorado, my hometown, I started High School as a Freshman. I thought if I highlighted my hair blonde, it would make a difference. Not really, instead I still got the eyes taring at me in the hallway, the whispers of " here comes the new girl" and the laughs at my weight. My high school experience wasn't bad though. I joined NJROTC, and made a lot of friends. Went thorough school and made a coupe friends along the way. My best friend Cassie, and Kyra they were always there for me. Senior year was when I finally had a breakthrough. I made a ton of friends, I was kinda popular my senor year. Met the guy I thought I liked, a couple of other friends. But in the end, after high school, I never thought i'd be dating my friend. It's amazing how two people can be so compatible, and not even really notice. But I owe probably a lot to him, he just doesn't know it yet.
So here's another tip Song Birds, Stand up for yourself and be who you want to be. Self confidence in yourself is most important in your life, or other's will walk all over you.
With all my love,
Steph
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