Staying Organized

     A couple days ago I cleaned the entire house. Believing that we had an inspection I hustled and worked really hard to make sure the house was spotless. I shampooed the carpets, I scrubbed the bathrooms and tidied up the kitchen. I'll admit, I actually felt great while I was cleaning. Since then, I've made a cleaning chore chart. Keeping to the chart has actually made me feel better. It's nice to come home to a clean house. Now that I have the physical aspect of my life clean, I need to start on other parts.


     My new year's resolution was to start making my life better. I'm slowly but surely doing that. Keeping a positive attitude and making each day better and better. I need to start taking better care of myself. Health wise I mean. I know how I need to start doing that. Healthier foods in my life, healthier snacks, and no more fast food. Period! I need to start drinking more water and less soda, start exercising more and going to bed at a reasonable hour.


     I need to start blogging more, when I was it was helping me more. So look for more pieces! I need to start focusing on my future and my future with Zach. I need to talk to my family more, and show them that I love them.


     There's so many things that need to be completed, and that's why I have forever to complete them. So here's me shining the light on my future. Here's time for a much needed change in my life for the better.


- The Songbird-

Playing House

     When I was younger my brother and I would make a big house in either of our rooms. We'd have a kitchen, a living room, a bedroom, etc. We'd play around for hours on end trying to get our mom involved in the game. It was all a game back then, and that's the way I remember it. Growing up, I started to realize that our little game turned out to be something more. Reality kind of kicked in and from that point on sitting in my single living class I knew the game wasn't real.


     My teacher used to tell us everything about when we would finally move out. She told us the responsibilities of every decision we made from the apartment, to how much we could pay, how much money we would have to save, and if we would move in with a roommate to split the cost of everything in half. It's funny actually, after I met Zach and we were both about to be graduating seniors. I remember one day asking him a question, not really knowing that it'd happen in the future. I asked him if when we graduated, would he want to be my roommate. Ironic, right?


     Senior year went by in a blur. So many things happened, I don't remember a whole lot. When we graduated, everything changed. Now I had a job, and I was making money. Taking care of my brother while my parent's were away and it was going okay. I didn't realize how important it was at the time, because I'll admit I goofed off. I think every teenager who doesn't have their parent's there, and has free range does it. No parties were started there though, so that's one thing I can be positive on.


     After leaving my parent's it definitely was different. Staying at my grandma's just made me feel like I wasn't independent. Now, that Zach and I were dating he spent more and more time around me which made me feel special. Still does to this day, and even though we fight and argue I still love him every night I go to bed and every morning I wake up. He helped me when I thought my parent's hated me because of what I had done.


     Moving out of his mom's place was hard for him too. Sometimes I feel as though I made him move out to fast. He tells me no, that he's happy that we have what we have. We have our days when it comes to this.


     Now that we have been living together almost a year, it's shocking. We've got our own furniture, a TV, a queen sized bed, dressers, etc. I never thought that I'd be where I am today. My very own house. See, the difference between when I played as a kid was the fact that as a kid I didn't have bills, a car, and living with my fiancee. Now, I have to clean the house, pay bills, and work for money for food, clothes, and taking care of Koda.


    I'm glad I played house with my little brother, soon one day he is going to have his own place. He'll feel the independence of saying " I have my own place". Yes, there will be some bumps in the road, and you might feel like you don't know what your doing or where your going. I've felt that way many of times, but once you get the hang of it. You'll love it.


- The Songbird-

Mother's Day..

     I've given much thought into how I was going to write this. I have the crinkled up papers to prove it to you. Mother's day is a very special day to me. Special because I have the one person who I don't think I could live without, my mom. I hope she's reading this too.


    
    While I was at work today, being in retail there was a rush as always for the perfect mother's day present. Frantic fathers and wondrous children crowded my store in search for something to make their mom smile on their very special day. I couldn't help but to think about my mom, all the memories we share, and the fact that I won't be able to give her a hug on her special day. It made me sad a little.


    
    See, I've written in the past about the disagreements with my mom. People that are around me, don't exactly understand our relationship. They question me sometimes, wondering why am I still in contact if we argue? I simply tell them, I can't stay away from my mom. She's been in my life the whole time with every step, every word, every adventure, and every memory we have together is something very special. My mom truly is my best friend, my hero, and most importantly my role model.


    
    I've been thinking about my mom for a while, ever since I left the house and everything changed. I don't get to give my mom hugs anymore, or see her everyday. But the time's that we Skype or text or call are very important to me. See, she's coming this week and so is my dad and brother and I can't wait. I'm ecstatic, to say the least. I look forward to giving my mom the biggest hug ever. I miss her like crazy she just doesn't even know it.






    
    Mom, I know that I'm not with you right now. I can't wait to see you and give you the biggest hug. I love you so very much mom! I'll always be your stinky, the little girl you remember running down the hallways. I'll see you soon momma. Here's my song for you. Have a great day and don't let anything bring you down.




Love Always,


Your Songbird


                                          Happy Mother's Day to ALL mom's! You are all amazing!

Misadventures Of A Young Adult..

     I haven't posted lately. Life's been really busy for me, so many things going on. I'm in the process of jump starting my business, " Life of The Party". I'm in the process of planning my engagement party. I'm working great hours, thirty six hours. Saving money slowly but surely.
  
      I've been working some pretty good hours, consistent hours which means for some really good paychecks. I worked 8:30 to 5:30 today by myself for most of the day. I've been able to get better and better at my job. A couple nights ago, I checked the mail and my discount card came in for working for Wal- Mart for close to four months. I wish to get farther with this company than I did with Safeway.




     Party planning is another thing that I'm really going to start focusing on. I was able to plan it our and purchase some business cards to promote my business. As for advertising, I need to start working on the Facebook, Twitter, and the website for " Life of The Party". It's a work in progress, but whenever I get free time, I get a little further with my planning.


     I recently celebrated my twentieth birthday. Let's just say.. it wasn't what I was expecting. I spent at least half the day by myself, in my PK's and being lazy and watching T.V. I made meatloaf and mashed poratoes at my grandparent's house. It definitely was a weird birthday. I missed my parents, it was very hard. I'll be able to see them soon, I can't wait to give my mom a hug, joke around with my dad " Butterflies"! He'll know what I mean! Give my brother a hard time, but most importantly reconnect with my family and tell them how very much they mean to me. But hey.. I'm officially twenty years old!


     I'm in the slow process of planning my engagement party. It's very stressful trying to plan this. See.. I believe that I'm a perfectionist, I don't know how I got it but I have it. I want it to be cute, yet amazing. I've been going through a bunch of themes in my head and the only one I really like is "Starry Night". To bad it's going to be during the day.. But I love the theme, so I'm sticking with it.


     So there you go from the Misadventures of A Young Adult..


- The Songbird-
    

Early Morning..

     This particular morning I find myself still awake from yesterday's long day. I find myself making a cake, cleaning the house, folding laundry, getting Zach's birthday present ready for Sunday, and writing this piece. I know it's been a while, I've been busy. Sorry.


     I've thought for the past couple of days.. " What would I write?" and nothing.... I mean nothing came to my mind. Strange right? I always have things on my mind.


     Yesterday, I was busy doing stuff for me. I kind of had a pamper day. Never had one before, so it was a new experience. I got my hair professionally colored, and my nails done. Two very new concepts for me as I have done my own nails for as long as I can remember getting nail polish and doing my hair for a while with those wonderful box sets.


     It felt like an amazing thing. To pamper yourself every once and a while. Zach's birthday present to me.. Early! As I sat in the chair while she was coloring my hair I couldn't help but feel happy. My best friend with me, I felt confident. I felt independent.


     That feeling has been coming more and more to me. Independent. A new concept to me since I lived with my parents until last summer. I feel more independent. More able to do things that I want and things I enjoy, within my limits of course.


     It feels weird being up this late,  or early.. doesn't matter. Like yesterday, today will be as equally busy as I will be trying to clean the house and frost a carrot cake all before 12:30. So I end my piece with the blissful thought of my newfound independence. I love the way I feel right now. Nothing could possibly change my thoughts, I'm a stronger person because of it.


- The Songbird-

A Writer..

     Ever since I can remember, I've had a pen in my hand. It started when I was given my very first journal. I don't remember exactly how old I was but I remember my mom giving me a Winnie the Pooh journal and telling me that I can write anything I want in it.  So since that very day I've been writing journals. In Middle School, I used to write little mini stories and poems. Leading right into High School, I tried to take classes that I was interested in. Mostly english and writing classes were something that I loved. Creative Writings really brought out my love for writing little short stories it would be about anything and everything.

     In High School, I told myself that I was really going to find out what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't realize how important finding out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life until my Junior Year. I slacked off Freshman and Sophomore year, which I regret. I didn't actually take my studies seriously. Junior year, I buckled down and told myself that the next two years of my High School career were very important.

     I flip flopped from different careers, I wanted to be a massage therapist for a while until I wanted to become a chef. Then I told myself that I wanted to be in the Navy because I was in NJROTC. Then, I sat down one day and really thought about something that I truly loved. Writing was the things I loved the most.

     For the very reason why I started this blog. I wanted to expand my writings, get more writing out and onto something that I can go back and read them forever. Now that I've been able to graduate and get into the "work" mode of my life I want to focus on my studies again. I enjoy learning, and if I can succeed in life with writing, it's something I want to do.

     So i'm going to make sure that I start looking for pell grants, or anything that will help me further my education.

- The SongBird-

There Will Be Time...

     Soon, my family is going to come back here to Colorado. Soon, there will be tears shed as they leave, and then I'll be alone again. Now I'm not saying this as negative as what it may sound like, but it kind of is. I've lived with my family for my whole life until last summer. I honestly can't changed what happened that summer, but if I did I would change how it turned out.

     I would have changed the fact that instead of leaving my mom and dad a note telling them I left, I should have waited till they came home and then sat down and talked to them. I wish I  would have brought Zach over more so my parents could get to know him as well as I do.  I've had many dreams about everything that's happened and I still think it would have been better if I did it that instead of leave the note. I didn't realize how much damage I really did until they came back. The result in my actions, tore us apart and I never thought that I would be talking to them again. I couldn't do that though, I had to talk to my parents most importantly the person who I connected with the most.. my mom.

     Yes, I will admit it felt very different coming over to the house for a short period of time until they moved. We barely spoke words with each other, and it didn't feel the same. Since that summer, and moving out and in with Zach has definitely changed my views on a many great things. I've learned a couple things that I am going to live with for the rest of my life.

     A couple nights ago I was laying right next to Zach and I just closed my eyes. He reached out for me and I snuggled in his arms, my most safest and most comforting place actually. He began talking to me about everything that we had accomplished, and had done since we met. He was telling me what he had on his mind and I was doing the same thing with mine.

     I talked about that summer, and what I did. I told him about how I wished I could change somethings. I told him that I was going to live with those decisions forever. I broke down in tears. He rubbed my hair and told me that I couldn't take them back only learn from them and move on. I told him about how I missed my family, and that even though he is here I feel alone sometimes. I don't really have a whole lot of supportive family on my side here in Colorado. That's when he started to talk to me about his thoughts.

     He told me that he feels like it was partly his fault as for my feeling alone. See, his family is here in Colorado and they are VERY supportive of him. He goes over to his Grandma's and Mom's almost every night. I can't do that. He gets to see his mom almost everyday depending on work, where as I only see my mom once in a blue moon if our schedules work out for an hour or two Skype call. When we first moved in, I was so excited that we would be living together. Just the two of us! But I realized, I wasn't going to be the girl who took him away from his family. I didn't want that to be the relationship between my future mother in law and myself.

     He went over every night, and I was okay with it. But, the only thing that really hurt me sometimes was when I'd go over with him. I'd get rants and raves over the fact that he didn't come home to a home cooked warm meal even though I did that for him almost every night depending on whether or not I worked. By the time he'd get home, it'd be cold. I'd be tired and ready for bed, but I was having the hardest of times trying to wrap my head around those rants and raves.

     Anyways, we laid and talked about a great many things. Tears were shed from both of us. I realized from that talk that I won't have all the time to be with my family when they come down for a while. But during some of the time that they are home, I want to spend as much time with them. I've already made plans with my parents and taking them out to a nice sit down restaurant and talking with them, really letting them know how I feel. Taking my brother and his friend to Taco Bell since they miss it in Iowa, and a nice sit down restaurant to do some bonding.. ( in otherwards talking about Xbox and Call Of Duty). Getting them presents for their birthdays and getting a special mother's day and father's day present.

     I want to spend as much time with my family as I can, cause like I said there will be tears but there will also be laughter.